Relocation Relocation Relocation

Sometimes sports teams seem to be a great reflection of the cities they represent.  Two of the best examples are the Pittsburgh Steelers (gritty physical team from a resilient, blue-collar town) and the L. A. Lakers (a team from the capital of the entertainment business, traditionally led by superstars.)

But then there are other teams that don’t seem to belong at all.  Here are some of my choices for teams that should really move somewhere more appropriate:

Pittsburgh Penguins

City known for dirty, failing industry hosts successful team built on skill of highly-skilled foreigners
Better place: Silicon Valley

Montreal Canadiens

Has some things going for it, but usually disappoint under the weight of excessive expectations.
Better place: Toronto

New York Yankees

Boorish fans cheer on team that simplistically wins by out-spending rivals.  Not the effete city we love/hate.
Better place: L.A. (or move the stadium to Wall Street)

Oakland Athletics

Constantly finding alternative ways to win.
Better place: San Francisco

New England Patriots

beautiful and cultured corner of America represented by cold, calculated, mechanical team.
Better place: Milwaukee

Miami Heat

Uses lavish spending to buy a team of stars.
Better place: Well, Dubai really, but we'll say Las Vegas

Phoenix Coyotes

It's a hockey team...in the desert.
Better place: Quebec or Hamilton

Toronto Raptors

Whatever they try to turn things around doesn’t work.
Better place: Detroit