Take My 5G, Please

Have you ever seen something that just seemed to contradict its own existence? I mean there are so many different aspects that it seems impossible that anyone could have created it. I’m thinking of something like this:

I took this photo almost a year ago, but I recently noticed that the graffiti is still there. And it’s still puzzling me.

First of all, it's got a 1950’s sense of humour. That's not something you usually see in graffiti. Henny Youngman must be <checks Wikipedia> rolling in his grave. Maybe graffiti was like that in the 1950's, but even then, I doubt you had graffiti written from the perspective of a married man.

On top of that, this is an anachronistic joke with a reference to modern technology in it. Even if it were in a less-strange context, that's weird. It's the joke Benny Hill would do if he'd made it to the twenty-first century. Is Andy Capp still going? Maybe it does jokes like this.

And now it's at least a year old, and neither the owner of the wall, nor other graffiti artists have covered it up in all that time. And did I mention that this is the parking lot for a sushi place? Lots of people have been staring at this, confused, for months. Probably feeling like they should blame a generation, but they have no idea which one.

Was it done by an abnormally young-at-heart Boomer, or an abnormally sexist Millennial? I'm wracking my brain to figure it out. At least, using whatever part of my brain is not currently trying to pun Banksy with an old comedian's name. Whatever Sherlock instincts I have left say that it was done by a Baby Boomer. Yes, it mentions Wi-fi, but it has that joke-referring-to-something-I've-heard-of-but-don't-understand style that launched a thousand late-night routines. So I feel safe blaming them. I'll just add it to the list.

I Like Every Kind Of Fair, In The Crowd, You Bet I'll Be There

I live near a downtown park, and during the summer it is host to a number of weekend festivals.  The focus of the festivals change - just off the top of my head I can think of annual celebrations of books, ribs, multiculturalism, children, non-violence, and gay pride.  I don't really put much of an effort into knowing when these events are coming up.  Just sometimes I go outside to find the park packed with people.

Today when I stepped out of my building, I heard the familiar sound of one of these festivals.  I hadn't thought about it until that moment, but they all seem to have the same sound.  That sound is made up of:

• The discordant sound of several songs of various different songs being played through bad speakers with the bass turned up
• The hum of many generators and compressors
• Young children screaming, between them expressing the entire range of human emotions
• A dozen cars idling while waiting for parking spots
• Somewhere in there, countless conversations in a variety of languages and accents.

But today the weirdest thing happened.  I heard the sound as soon as I left my building, but when I arrived at the park, it was empty.  I could still hear the music and everything as I strolled across the open grass, but the only people there were a largish family barbecue.  Clearly the sound was coming from another part of downtown, but with sound reverberating off of buildings, you couldn't decipher what direction it was coming from. 

So I had the lonely experience of wandering around largely empty streets, hearing a party going on all around me that I somehow couldn't see.  Eventually I found the source: the main street closed-off for a motorcycle show.  Despite stereotypes, it seemed like a really happy, cordial get-together.  I even saw a couple of places where Harleys were parked next to Japanese bikes.

Eventually I got to the cafe I had been headed for, and when I walked in, it was completely empty of all people and furniture.  Had I not already known they were going to move next-door at some point this summer, I probably would have lost my remaining sanity right there.