The Soul Of A New Machine

Kia has a new commercial for the Soul, again featuring hamsters (this is an extended version):

• I'm confused by the hamster in the ball. It seems to be an ordinary hamster among all these anthropomorphic hamsters. You're just not allowed to do that. Either the animals are normal or they're a stand-in for people. Disney tried to do that with Goofy as a humanoid dog and Pluto as a pet dog, and that confused generations of kids.
• So either the hamster in the ball is a child that will one day grow into one of the big hamsters, or the big hamsters are mutants, and they keep a normal one around for some reason.
• Or this is supposed to take place in an alternate universe where hamsters evolved sentience instead of primates.  In that case, the hamster in the ball is the equivalent of a monkey to them. That makes more sense
• Would hamsters consider a thin female in skin-tight clothing attractive? Surely they'd prefer a plump and furry female.
• How come these hamsters have better taste in music than what we've seen from the species in the past?
• For all the ad's other flaws, I have to say that nerdy hamsters are adorable. In the previous hamster ad, if you look closely at the scene where they're in the salon, one of them is reading a copy of Wired with a hamster on the cover. So apparently they have a gift for technology. But you don't have to tell me that...

Some C_mplai_ts Ab_ut T__hnol_gy

You used to know how fast a computer was, just by using it. Sure, my old 386 took a second to render each frame in Doom, but I knew I could depend on it always being slow. But today's computers can be impressively quick, or they can grind to a halt.

For one thing, more of the devices we use are essentially computers that have been programed to do one thing, rather than a bit of electronics designed from the ground up to do one simple task.  For instance, thirty years ago you could change channels quickly with a remote control that was little more than three transistors in a plastic box.  But my cable box/PVR is really a computer that's particularly fast at processing video.  Unfortunately, this means it boots up about as fast as a computer.  For the first minute or so, it recognizes maybe half of my button presses.  I type in one of the long modern channel number, but it misses half the numbers, so who knows which channel it's going to send me to.  At least, that's my excuse how it got on that station.

It's also because most computers are multitasking. If something electronic is unresponsive, it's probably because that gizmo is doing something behind the scenes. Just about everything is connected to a network, if not the Internet, so it will have to occasionally tend to matters of communication. I think that's a reassuring way to look at it: these machines aren't slow they're just distracted. "Oh, I'm sorry, did you just press a button? I was just... Wait, give me a minute."

I'm assuming that's the problem with the self-check-out machines.  Today I tried typing in the code for hothouse tomatoes, and it took so long to notice when I typed the first digit, that somehow it registered the second digit first, then the first digit.  So I had to clear it and start again, but of course that forever too.  And this was probably because it was getting updated on the price code for those new flat bagels while it was accepting my input. 

Or maybe technology just hates me.  I don't know why, all I've ever done is use it to complain about it.

The Truth About Cats And Dogs

I've never been a cat person or a dog person.  It seems like most people are one or the other, but I'm neither.  It comes down to their personalities.  Dogs are in-your-face, cats are cold and remote.  So most people find something in one or the other.  Me, I don't like people with those personalities, so I'm definitely not going to buy animals like that.

What's annoying about this is that we created dogs and cats.  Yes, we the humans domesticated dogs and cats out of wolves and wildcats.  So why couldn't we make them a little more pleasant to be around.  Or more importantly, with all the dog breeds and their huge variation, why have they concentrated so much on appearance, while the behaviour is limited to vague claims of "loyalty."  Couldn't they have bred at least one for politeness, or respect for personal space.  You would think that they would have thought of that before they thought of dachshunds.

Two different pet personalities is clearly not enough for all of humanity.  So let's domesticate a new animal.  Do what we did before: take a carnivorous mammal and breed it into a cuddly companion.  I'm sure Jared Diamond will have some explanation why this can't be done, but hey: this is humanity dealing with nature.  Why start limiting ourselves to what's "possible?"

I think we should start with bears.  They always seemed relatively laid-back for giant meat-eaters, and everyone loves teddy bears.  So let's start the selective breading now, and in a few millennia, our descendants will be able to have a cuddly little pet that's friendly but not too pushy.

Rewind

Following a power failure, I had to reprogram the clock on my VCR, which admittedly I use primarily for the clock.  You even have to enter the year on my VCR, and of course it lays a guilt trip on me by starting the year field at the default value of 2001.   So I'm paging up through the years, and I can almost hear it asking, "Really, people still use VCR's in 2012?". So I had to blog about it on my phone just to feel current again.

Freezer Etiquette

I put a Muffin Top in the freezer.  Only afterwards did I realise that I put it right beside some muffins that were already there.  I think they're going to need therapy.