Bicycle (Shorts) Built For Two

I just saw a very pregnant woman on a bicycle.  That's kind of unusual to begin with, but what surprised me is that this woman was in the full cycling-specific shirt and shorts.  

They make them in maternity sizes?  I mean, sure, you see parents cycling around with their kids in those adorable little trailers behind them.  And those cycling-family kids have to be the result of a pregnancy at some time.  But still, you bought those just to stay on the bike - to look professional on the bike - for the full nine months?  

Sports clothing is never cheap, and you know she had to have them shipped special from Europe because no way they sell them off the rack on this continent.  Okay, if she doesn't own a car, she has plenty of extra money.  But still, you are never going to be able to sell those.  So if the plan is to trade them in for an adorable little trailer, don't hold your breath.

A Stroller Tantrum

You know what I hate?  Two-wide baby strollers.  A double-size stroller is sometimes unavoidable - if you have twins, what else can you do?  But get one of the twice-as-long models, so you can get through crowds or down hallways more easily. 

Why would you feel the need to put your kids side-by-side?  It could be that you're showing them off.   Admittedly that is faster and less annoying than showing baby pictures.  But a more likely explanation is that you're just avoiding the argument over who gets the front seat and who is stuck staring at the back of their sibling's head.  The idea that it is all due to wimpy parenting also helps explain why I always seem to see parents pushing empty double-wide strollers chasing kids that are running wild ahead of them.

Don't make the rest of us pay for your spineless parenting, switch to a more aerodynamic (or "crowd dynamic") inline stroller.  Or better still, find a double-decker stroller.  Though that would likely only be safe if the lower kid is much heavier than the other.

Unsolicited Parenting Advice from the Childless

Today I found myself trapped in a waiting room with a screaming baby.  Well, I mean, its parents were there too, along with other waiting people suffering along with me.  It was another of those moments when you could see the parents trying hard not to give in to a big tantrum.  Not ignoring the kid totally, but intent on giving her no more attention than they would if she were perfectly well-behaved.

But as time went on, and the pitch of the screaming increased, it started to get harder and harder not to just buy the kid ice cream or whatever would stop it.  And that's the weakness of the don't-give-in strategy: once you've committed to it, you have to keep it up no matter what the kid does.  If you fold once your child reaches 120 decibels and F# above high C, you've trained her to take it to that level every time she wants your attention.

So here's how you do it:  Instead of just not giving in when they make an annoying noise, do the flip side too; when your child makes a relatively nice noise, slip them the candy/toys/whatever that they want.  Your child cries in an abnormally low-pitched way?  Reward them!  By the power of Pavlov, you'll have the least annoying child in the neighbourhood.