Do These Pants Make Me Look Obscure?

For this week's Sunday night NFL game, the Pittsburgh Steelers wore replicas of their original uniforms.  In honour of their eightieth anniversary, they broke out uniforms they would normally never be caught dead in, with yellow and brown horizontal striped shirts and socks, and light beige pants that did not compliment and offensive lineman's physique. 

This isn't unusual.  They're usually known as "throwback" uniforms.  Throughout the sports world, fashion crimes are committed in the name of nostalgia.  Here are some recommendations to improve future throwbacks.

They should be about nostalgia, not trivia

A lot of NFL teams are guilty of this, since their histories usually started long before the sport got national exposure.  So you have, say, the Broncos showing up in brown uniforms that no one remembers.  The New York Jets had a long obsession with the fact that they were originally called the Titans.  I don't know why anyone would care: the Titan uniforms were ugly, there's already a team called the Titans, and nobody cared about the team back then.  I'm sure the Jets played a few games before they upset Baltimore in Super Bowl III, it's just that no one cares that they did.  Which brings me to the next point:

Don't Throw Back if you have nothing to Throw Back To.

Take the Pittsburgh Penguins.  Apparently there was an organization in Pittsburgh called the "Penguins" dating back to the late sixties.  But as far as anyone cares, they came into being in the summer of 1984 when they drafted Mario Lemieux.  Yet, every year they play in ugly blue uniforms that harken back to when the team was terrible and no one came to see their games.

Be Fair and Throw Back to All Eras

By exclusively using retro uniforms from the sixties and earlier, you're just indulging the Baby Boomers.  Why not have retro seventies and eighties uniforms too?  Because they're ugly, sure.  Blue Jays, Buccaneers, you've done it, now how about the Astros, White Sox and Padres.  Canucks, even I won't ask for your yellow uniforms, but how about the black "V" shirts?

Make it Worth It

My own St. Louis Rams are guilty of this, using throwback uniforms to their lone Super Bowl championship.  Thing is, that was only twelve years ago, and the uniforms they used then were pretty much the same as their current ones, but with gaudier colours.  If you don't have anything to go back to, why not make something up?   Just put together some random shades of brown and beige, and it will probably still end up looking better than most alternate uniforms.