Do As I Write

Hockey's Milan Lucic made headlines this week after his Boston Bruins were eliminated by the Montreal Canadiens. During hockey's traditional post-series handshakes, he singled out an opposing player to threaten him for next year.

It seemed like just another incident on the ugly side of hockey. But then someone pointed out the irony: Lucic co-authored a children's book. Having a kids book written by an overly aggressive hockey player may sound crazy, but wait. There's more: Lucic's book was to discourage bullying.

There's been a lot of anti-bullying action in society lately. On the one hand, I wholeheartedly support anti-bullying efforts. But on the other, I'm really sceptical of these efforts, and Lucic's book is a good example of why.

The fact is that we, as a society, still don't really condemn bullying. Sure, all but the most violent among us now agrees that kids shouldn't torment each other. But beyond that, we're totally accepting - if not downright encouraging - of it. Lots of people have noted the irony that anti-bullying measures often come from politicians who got into office by relentlessly attacking opponents. But looking around our civilization, there's plenty of examples of where bullying is rewarded, perhaps even celebrated: Business, sports, reality TV.

To describe where we are in the fight against bullying, I think there's an analogy to the civil rights struggle. I wasn't around at the time racism was pushed to the periphery of society, but the impression I get us that there was a time when it was popularly recognized as being wrong, but still widely tolerated in public and in our institutions. It seems bullying is at that point. We've recognized that it's wrong, but haven't quite come to terms with just how prevalent it is, or how much will have to change. Were at the point of integrating schools and asking our kids to all get along, all while still living in a world of racist institutions. As a society, we are like Milan Lucic, telling kids to behave one way while we behave differently. Eventually we'll have to realize that's what's not okay for our kids is not okay for us.