Daft Punk

There's this idea called Steampunk. If you're not familiar with it, it's the idea of building modern machinery with steam-era technology.  And there are now variations on it. For instance, Dieselpunk has futuristic stuff in early 20th century style.

I've always wanted to see a reverse Steampunk, where people would build steam machinery with modern technology. You'd think that some bored engineers would try to build a super-efficient computer-controlled steam locomotive out of kevlar and carbon fibre. I assume something like that would be called Steammetal.

But another possibility is: if we can imagine how people in the past would have made awkward and intricate machines that reach beyond their age's technological abilities, why not reach forward from now, and build crazy, over-ambitious substitutes for future technology.  I'm thinking of the sort of thing people from the future might look back and view as whimsical "Siliconpunk"?

I think we already have, and it's called Google Glass. It seems like a crude attempt to replace some future technology, such as a direct neural implant connecting your brain to the Internet. And it comes off as just as unnatural as the steam contraptions of steam punk. So to the people predicting that 2014 will be the year of Google glass, I have to disagree. More like 2064 will be the year of people using their Huawei Neural Interface to look up historical photos and videos at the Central Knowledge Wiki-pository, so they can make their costumes for National Cosplay Day (formerly Halloween.)

Last Impressions

There’s a lot of people who are classics for impersonation, even after the originals have left the scene. You still hear people do Nixon impressions, particularly the, “I am not a crook line.” What’s weird is that some generations know people only through their impressions. Take Humphrey Bogart, for instance. I’ve seen some of his movies, yet I probably know his voice primarily from actors and comedians imitating him.

But the leader in the living-on-through-impersonation category would have to be Ed Sullivan. I’m too young to have seen his show; of course, I’ve seen clips such as the famous Beatles performance. But mostly I know his “really big shoe” voice and mannerisms through years of comedians hamming it up.

But, when I hear people imitate Bill Cosby, I wonder, can I really trust impersonations of Ed Sullivan? If they're as far off as Cosby routines, we've been lied to.

Paging Fred Bloggs

I came across news of a study from a few years ago that explores the possibility that people are slightly more likely to choose a career that reflects their name.  You've probably seen a few examples of people whose profession lines up with their name; sprinter Usain Bolt is often given as an example. 

Apparently, it's called an aptronym.  Wikipedia has a list of some famous examples.

Interestingly, there's a person sharing my last name, James Roe, who is a rower.  I'd never considered this way of finding a career before.  The only time I've tried rowing was in a community dragon boat race once. I've never had an interest in fish eggs or Eurasian deer.  Including the meaning behind "Jason," (healer) I should be a veterinarian specializing in deer.  Other than an affinity for Bambi, that doesn't seem to fit my personality.  So back to What Colour Is Your Parachute? it is then.

Read This Before I Erase It

An article in the Wall Street Journal warns of the coming "erasable internet" which may spell the end for Google. Wait, what? He points to the success of Snapchat - the asp that allows you to send pictures that disappear after 7 seconds. If that idea is expanded to other internet services, it would be the end of a service like Google, which catalogs existing web pages.

I find all this hard to believe. Snapchat may be appealing to teenagers who are unfamiliar with the concept of "screenshots," but I don't know how many other services could benefit from a transient quality. Could you imagine a Snapwikipedia, which has to be re-written every day? Even Twitter, which seems to be fast-moving and temporary, actually stores tweets permanently, with no harm to most.

This seems to happen with every new technology and success story: people start assuming it's the beginning of a permanent and universal trend. Snapchat is successful: everything will be temporary. Foursquare is successful: everything will be location-based. And it goes the other way too: when something wanted in popularity, it and everything similar is forever a part of history. Take blogging. I've heard many claims of its death, but this blog's popularity is proof of... Okay, bad example.

Partly, this phenomena comes from wanting to simplify a complicated and ever-changing field. And some of it is Emperor's New Clothes, where no one wants to be caught using instant messaging if the cool kids are using Snapchat. But what's really happening is that were building and exploring a new world, and and acquiring new tools, and each of those tools finds a use appropriate to its qualities. Blogging is a great example of this. It's declined in popularity during the rise of Twitter, Facebook and others, as people just looking to stay in touch or make the of observation leave. But blogging remains strong among those who want to read or write regularly in a slightly longer format.

So This Is Holiday

As always, there's controversy this year about people saying, "Happy Holidays" rather than, "Merry Christmas". Normally I don't care too much.  If people are going around wishing nice things to one another, I won't look that gift horse in the mouth.

But I do have to point out that this year the replacing of "Christmas" with "Holiday" has entered a new and awkward phase, as advertisers have tried expanding use of the H-word beyond slogans and signs, and into more natural speech. I mean, I can understand using "holiday" when addressing a large public group ("Here's wishing everyone in Moose River a Happy Holiday"), but people don't really use it when discussing it with well known friends. ("What are we having for Holiday dinner?")

The prime example is that heart-warming Apple commercial where that teenager makes a family movie with his iPhone. It's a nice ad, but the video begins with the title, "A Harris Family Holiday." That sounds artificial, and not just because we're supposed to believe that a family called "Harris" might be celebrating a different holiday.

It's one thing to talk about the population as a whole celebrating "Holidays" in a generic sense, but no single person/family celebrates "Holidays." I doubt anyone would feel left out of we just acknowledged that the family in the ad is celebrating Christmas. Or, alternately, I doubt any reasonable person would find the commercial any less touching if it were "A Savarkar Family Diwali."

There's No Hip In Christmas

I often feel alienated by Christmas, what with its enforced revelry. So when I find something to celebrate, I feel I should pass it on.

Here's something to love about Christmas: the way it flattens out the cultural hierarchy, allowing lowbrow content to reach classic status.

Probably the best example is the Rudolph TV special. It's a stop-action-program that takes am existing story and slaps on a backstory with all the gravitas of a Saturday morning cartoon. In any other context it would be forgotten, save for a brief moment thirty years after its debut when it would receive a brief ironic revival. But because it's about Christmas, it's achieved cultural touchstone status. Even the original Rudolph story itself is a colouring book turned novelty song.

Where else would we find a long-term life for A Christmas Story, Boney M's Mary's Boy Child, both Trans-Siberian Orchestra and Manheim Steamroller?  Or there's the "Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus" story; what other letter-to-the-editor has such respect?  Even Santa himself was shaped by early Coca-Cola posters.  And how did Boris Karloff, known for playing Frankenstein, achieve immortality?  By narrating a Christmas special.  And there's the Bing Crosby/David Bowie Little Drummer Boy duet.  What other cultural force would even get them into the same room, never mind working together?

So let's all have a Merry, Culturally-Inclusive, Christmas, and put our snobbery aside until Boxing Day.

Ma Slow Descent

The power was out for six hours during the ice storm. It turns out that wasn't nearly as bad as many people faced, with power out for days or more. Still, it was strange to be without power for so long. It’s been a long time since I’ve experienced a black-out that long, save for the Great Blackout of Aught-Three. But that was in the summer, and with the inside temperature plunging, it underlines our dependence on electricity much better than a little extra sweat without air conditioning does.

In looking back at my reaction, what's notable is how the feelings follow Maslow's hierarchy of needs.  That's the psychological theory that what we require as humans is arranged in a linear hierarchy where we satisfy the most basic needs before addressing more complex desires:

• Physiological: It's freezing! Get my blanket. I'm hungry! Find all non-frozen, edible-at-room temperature foods.
• Safety: What if it takes a week to get the power back, like the Quebec ice storm? Maybe we can stay somewhere else. No, looters will ransack the place. Rent a wood burning fireplace!
• Belonging: I’m stuck here! I can’t phone anyone, because my three-quarters-of-a-battery phone charge has to last for the next week! Well, in a worst case scenario, I can hike to a friend’s place; we can huddle for warmth.
• Esteem: I’m so dependent on modern conveniences. I can hear my ancestors laughing at me. But if I survive, it will be a great accomplishment.
• Self-actualization: This will give me greater perspective on life, what we need, and what’s really important.

I think I’ve come through this as a better person, with a better understanding of humanity. So if I ever face that storm that is as bad as my worst fears, I’ll be in a good position to decide who we eat first.

Gay Men And Beards

So, the Duck Dynasty guy is a homophobe. Yes, I aware that there's more than one person on the show. But I don't watch it personally, and it hasn't reached the Jersey Shore level where the individuals become famous. So for me, he's just that guy from Duck Dynasty.

No, this isn't going to be another of my rants about how people assume everyone is watching a popular show. Duck Dynasty is like Jersey Shore in that it's well known that lots of people pointedly avoid watching.  So I've never felt left-out by talk of the show.

But just as everyone in America had finished jumping on to the Duck Dynasty bandwagon, they have to get back off it again. Even the Android word stroke recognizer is distancing itself - it keeps trying to interpret "duck" as "sick". But I feel most sorry for Chia. They must have spent their profits for the last ten years on the rights to the Duck Dynasty beard chia pets, now what are they going to do with them?

(Weirdly, the word recognizer had no trouble with "chia.")

Rather than get angry at him, we should treat this as a lesson on where we look for our media heroes and role models. The incident underlines the difference between reality and fiction television. In our reality TV era, we've tended to treat its subjects as characters, idolizing or demonizing them as such. But they are in the end, actual people, with all the frailties and disappointments that come with being human. When you buy that Duck Dynasty shirt at Walmart, it's not like buying a Sheldon shirt at Target: you'll have an actual person on your chest. A person you don't actually know that well, and one who doesn't have a team of writers and producers ensuring they stay appealing and non-threatening.

My Wife Could Blog Better Than This

No, I haven't gotten married suddenly. Rather, that title is a reference a recent post-game speech by a college basketball coach, in which he said his wife could shoot better than his team, among other insults.  His rant has gone viral. At least, I assume it has "gone viral" in the sense that people are watching it online. I do know that it spread across television quickly. I don't think that's considered "going viral." Maybe we should call that "going bacterial" or something.

It was a weird experience seeing it repeated on sports news shows and updates. I believe it was the first time I've ever seen the progression of Andy Warhol's fifteen minutes of fame in real time. At least, fifteen minutes was the amount of time it took me to get sick of seeing it. Ol' Andy didn't anticipate that fame would greatly outlive our interest. The coach's rant will live on in talk shows and recaps forever.

That for me thinking: There are some famous college basketball coaches, but generally they don't get a lot of mainstream renown. For instance, I'm something of a sports fan, yet I only recently realized that Mike Krzyzewski, Mike Shuh-shev-skee, and "Coach K" are all the same person. I've also heard of John Wooden and Rick Pitino. Beyond that, I can only think of Bobby Knight, and he's mostly famous for his tantrums too.

But this coach has just vaulted to the top of the list. There are surely other coaches that have accomplished great things on and of the court, but they remain anonymous, while some jerk with no sense of restraint (or coaching skills, it would seem) has become a celebrity.

My point is that it's unfortunate that fame so often comes from poor behaviour. Usually sports is - for better or worse - a meritocracy. But even there you can see The Ford Effect, where the biggest rewards are not for success but for being ridiculous.

Frozen In Time

When I recently had problems with my Internet connection, I got out my copy of The Internet For Dummies. Why would I, a computer professional, own such a book? Because I bought it in university when I first started hearing about this "Internet" thing the computer science students were talking about.

Here's the cover

Here's the 1993 copyright

 

11 pages on Archie, 10 pages on Gopher

...and 6 pages on the World Wide Web

Gregorian Rhapsody

Percent of people who use full-size wall calendars:

I'm thinking about 25%

Minus people who get free calendars from charities, companies, the milk marketing board etc.:

Knock it down to about 10%

Multiply by the population of the city:

That's about 400,000, so it comes to maybe 40,000 calendars to sell in the city per year.

But!

Number of calendars on sale at kiosks in local malls:

3,000,000 (approx.)

It's Such An Imperfect Ad

It’s become a trend in video game commercials to have ordinary people - presumably representing the average gamer - acting out the games, with the gamer plunged into, say, a battle-torn hellscape.

I think it started with this ad from a few years back:

Though in that case I'm sure it was less about trying to illustrate the video games as an immersive fantasy, and more about trying to enthral people with the idea that they can shoot Kobe Bryant.  Presumably they couldn't afford LeBron James.

Showing the average person in the game sounds like a good idea; they’re visually depicting the idea that the games allow you to do things you wouldn’t have the chance to do in real life. But really, it just looks silly. Today’s video games are already at the far end of believability, so putting a dorky guy in the middle of it just makes it look that much less believable.  In the above commercial, I have to stretch my believability as far as it will go just to accept the idea of a guy walking through a gun battle shooting in both directions at once without looking.  Making the guy a chef snaps my disbelief like a cheap elastic.

Or maybe the chef's Mario-like moustache was a dig at Nintendo.  It’s too bad Nintendo doesn’t do commercials like this. You could see ordinary people stamping on turtles, bashing their heads into boxes, eating mushrooms etc.

Old Fashioned Convertibles

It seems like there's been a sudden push to get us to by convertible laptops, or tablets with keyboards. It's like they're saying, you know that new thing that you want? Well instead, why not get something that's sort of like the new thing and sort of like the old thing it's replacing.

I notice that the companies getting rich in the current tech environment, like Apple and Samsung, are not the ones trying to sell them. It's mostly coming from companies trying to play catch up, like Microsoft and HP.  That makes me think that this is a desperate bid to stay relevant.

Did that happen in previous tech revolutions?  Did they try selling...

• A personal computer that also has a slot for you to feed in your typewriter paper?
• A car that also has a place to attach a harness so your horse can pull it?
• A television that also acts as a radio?

I'm not saying that laptops are going to disappear - I am typing this on one right now. But I'm not sure why it's so very important to have a device that is both - especially when you can buy a cheap laptop and tablet for the price of many of these convertibles. Or at least, a tablet and a keyboard.  Really, these manufacturers are banking on the old does-it-run-Word paranoia.  I think they'll find we've gotten over it.

Pope-ularity

I - like a lot of people - have to say that Francis is by far my favourite Pope. Again like most people these days, I only have three choices in my lifetime, at least since I've been conscious of what a Pope is. So how about if I call him my favourite fully-observant Catholic. Though that is also a pretty small pool.

Time has notably given him their Person Of The Year. However, I started writing this when I read this article which praises him as the leader we wish we had in other religions, and in our politicians.  At that point, I have to call apples-and-oranges.

It's a pet peeve of mine that comes up whenever someone tries to push the idea that some unelected person's popularity (a royal or a religious leader) somehow proves that they are "better" than any and all politicians.

When it comes to politicians, they have two distinct disadvantages compared to everyone else:

A high threshold for success

A politician has to win elections. So no one cares if you got a lot of votes, they care if you got the most votes, and that's harder than just winning over a few fans. As I've pointed out before, a TV show only needs a few percent of the audience to be a hit. A politician is a massive failure with only a third of people's support.  Or to put it in 1980's terms, more Americans voted for Walter Mondale than bought Thriller.

This Pope is just getting nice things said about him, by some people. And as a liberal leader of a traditionally conservative sect, he's getting soft treatment in the media.

No power

Everyone seems to be saying nice things about his pro-poor talk. But it's easy to support rhetoric. It's not like he's actually making you give to the poor, regulating capitalism etc. Once the issues start affecting people lives, suddenly people won't feel so warm and fuzzy about it.

You Haven't Got Mail!

We in Canada got the news today that our mail service is being greatly reduced. No residences will get mail delivered to home (we'll all have to deal with the supermailboxes) and the price of a stamp will go up from fifty-sixty-whatever-it-is all the way to a dollar.  It's all because no one mails anything anymore.

And because of that, I find myself not really caring.  I hardly ever mail anything, and the only mail I ever get are greeting cards, postcards, and bills.  This change will give me the impetus to finally switch my remaining paper bills to e-bills, and it might get others to go with e-cards.

That's the one thing that could go wrong with this move: Canada Post's reasoning is that mail volumes are way down, so they're trimming costs and increasing prices.  But that's just going to reduce the mail volumes further. The fact is, hardly anything needs snail-mailing any more, and I think we may have started to end it all together.

And once no people are mailing me, the only reason I'll ever check the mailbox is to empty out the advertising.  To bad you can't opt out of mail, the same way you can dump your land line.

But the real reason I'm worried about this is listening to old-timers complain about it.  I was already sick of hearing about how terrible it was that they closed the post offices and went with counters in convenience stores.  Now we're never going to hear the end of this.

Lifestyles Of The Rich And Inconvenienced

Someone is building a condo tower on Miami aimed at the super rich. And when I say super rich, I don't mean someone who can afford a condo in Miami. They are trying to target billionaires. It's called the Porsche Design Tower, because it is being designed by Porsche Design (the cash-in-on-the-name division of Porsche, the car company.)

It's appropriate that the building is associated with a car company: The big draw is that it actually has a car elevator in it, so you can park your car (actually, "cars") in a garage adjoining your condo, with a glass wall so you can enjoy a view of your automotive collection in your condo. And your cars can be terrified by the view from the sky they were never meant to experience.

This brings up something I've thought odd about rich people: their desire for expensive versions of inherently cheap things. The best example is in plane seating. Airlines keep coming up with more luxurious first or business class seats, with mini desks, seats that recline into something approximating a bed, etc.

Emirates first class, which you can see in Google Streetview

If you look at the first class cabin in the context of an airline cabin, it looks luxurious. But in any other context it looks torturous. Imagine walking into the office of your new employer and seeing that all the desks look like that; you'd either leave, or form a union. Or to put it another way, the occupants of these seats will be paying tens of thousands of dollars to spend seven hours in an environment that's less comfortable than a modest basement apartment.

And this condo tower is much the same. It's still prone to all the problems of apartment/condo living. You still might get caught with a neighbour that plays loud music, or someone who smokes on the balcony. And worse, in this tower it will be a smelly cigar, and music played by the actual band.

A Few Things Left To Say-ay-ay-ay-ay

Do you ever have that thing where you wake up with a song you heard the day before, going through your head, and it ends up going through your head the rest of the day? Well for me, on Mondays, that is often the Sunday Night Football theme, as belted-out by Carrie Underwood. Sometimes that's annoying, but now it's a welcome respite from Christmas carols.
 

But it also got me thinking about it.  For one thing, why would anyone Wait All Day For Sunday Night?  There are games on all afternoon. But there's also the way they work in a line describing that night's game (eg, "Saints and Panthers: a division showdown")  I always wondered if that means they had her sing the song over and over again, with the line changed for each game.  If so, how do they avoid getting snarky with the lyrics ("Bills and Vikings, there's nothing else on.")  Or they call her into the studio every week to re-record that one line.  That would surely also lead to some resentment ("Falcons and Texans, it looked good in July.")

That doesn't seem likely, but then it occurred to me that some of the Sunday night games aren't scheduled ahead of time; they wait until that week before deciding which game to move to prime time.  Maybe they call her up that week and get her to sing the week's teams into the phone.  "Hi Carrie, we've decided on Saints-Panthers.  Don't worry, we can fix it with autotune."  I wish I'd seen her Sound of Music special now, I could probably do some sarcastic joke about it here.

Count 'Em Up

Canada's Olympic curling trials are nearly done.  The Ron Burgundy appearance went better than I expected.  My apologies to Will Ferrell; I'll go see Anchorman 2 as soon as it comes out.  Well, let's say when it gets to on-demand.  Anyway, watching the curling this week has made me think of the odd aspects of the sport that other sports could benefit from.  So here's my list of "Things other sports should borrow from curling."

More than one game going on at a time. 

If you get stuck watching a meaningless game between incompetent teams, just cast your eyes to the next field over.

Players make up their own teams.

Don't fight with teammates subtly passive-agressive quotes in media. Instead, start your own team and get some real revenge.

Coaches only get involved when they're asked for their input.

Some coaches are entertaining, but most are micromanager control freaks.  It would be better if they were forced to watch from the stands and only intervene when the players are totally perplexed.

Everyone is miked up all the time.

They often have microphones on some of the players in, say, football.  But that's just so they can play sound bites as a montage leading in to a commercial break, but it's usually just inane chatter. I want to hear them argue strategy, so we can finally find out who doesn't really know what they're doing.

Middle-aged super stars.

I find it's easier to cheer for someone when you don't have to resent their youth.

Vic Rauter. 

Lots of commentators know less about the sport than the audience, but only he has the courage to be open about it.

Clock limits time between action, not the action itself.

Think how much better sports would be if there was some limited amount of time for mound visits, soccer throw-ins, etc.

Name the teams after the star players. 

Let's drop the pretence and rename the Denver Broncos as the Peyton Manning Team.

I Did Not Find This Review Useful

There's been plenty of attention paid to Amazon's demonstration of delivering small packages by drones. But as technology previews go, this wasn't too impressive.  For me, future technology is exciting if there's a high ratio of life-changing to how difficult-of-implementation. 

The Amazon drones won't be that fast, and there's a host of yet-to-be solved problems with huge numbers of tiny flying things.  There's also the fact that it can't really hold that much.  Not only will it not be able to deliver a big order, the fact that it can't carry many people's orders means that there are going to have to be thousands of them, each ferrying a small order between the warehouse and one customer.

It's also a bit of a backward step in terms of centralization.  In order to deliver in reasonable time, there'll have to be a warehouse in your town.  Having an Amazon warehouse/droneport in each city would cost a fortune.

So for all these reasons I'm assuming Amazon isn't about to get into drone delivery, and this was just a publicity stunt.  If not, I'll be hoping that 3-D printing makes the very idea of delivering objects obsolete first.

Stadium Love

As a fan of both sports and architecture, I've always been interested in stadiums. (And as a fan of proper English, I've always been interested in "stadia.") And like many people, I'm no fan of the two most annoying trends in stadiums: ever more extravagant stadiums built with civic money extorted by teams threatening to move, and the often ridiculous sponsor-purchased names.

Both those trends reached new heights recently. The disposable stadiums problem was emphasized when the Atlanta Braves announced a deal to replace their current home, Turner Field. That stadium isn't too old itself: it was built for the Summer Olympics in 1996, then modified for baseball the next year.  It seems the Braves didn't like the location of the old stadium, and the city of Atlanta wouldn't pay for renovations, but one of the suburbs would pay for an unspecified amount of an entirely new stadium.

This gets more bizarre when you see that the Atlanta Falcons are leaving the Georgia Dome (built 1992) for their own new home.  So this most conservative part of America is going to be building two unnecessary partly-taxpayer-funded stadiums at the same time.

How does this happen?  Sports teams are very visible and have an emotional connection with the public, so losing them looks really bad for politicians, and money gets spent on them not the sewage treatment plant no one knows needs replacing. Eventually sports teams are going to push this too far and finally ask for too much.  But it's hard to image it could get sillier than abandoning a stadium barely old enough to drive. 

Both these buildings will have the naming rights sold to the highest bidder, so Atlanta-area taxpayers will have to live with not just paying for a stadium, but paying for Chick-Fil-A Field or the Piggly-Wiggly Dome or something. The idea of sponsors buying naming rights has already produced names that are difficult to talk about with a straight face. But now Rogers is going to make it more difficult, with news that they've bought the naming rights to the new arena in Edmonton. It will be known as Rogers Place. But wait, don't they already own the rights to Vancouver's arena? Yes, but that's Rogers Arena. Which is also not to be confused with Rogers Centre in Toronto (nee SkyDome.) If you have trouble remembering which of Disney World or Disney Land is in California and which is in Florida, them you're never going to get this straight. 

Dry Humour, Or Bathroom Humour

Occasionally you see clever graffiti on the hand-driers in public washrooms.  For instance, in one of the men's rooms in the University of Waterloo Math building, someone had modified the drier instructions so that it read, "For a message from Bill Davis, press button." Davis was already long gone when I got to UW, so the message must have been pretty solidly scratched in. Or the custodians really hated Bill Davis.

But I think this display at the University of Guelph may have taken the hand-drier satire crown:

Apocalypse (Google) Now

I've been continuing to use Google Now, the Android-based software that's supposed to act as a digital assistant.  I've already mentioned my experiences before.  There's been an upgrade, and it seems a little easier to use.  And then just today, I came across this article from the Economist on personal assistant software.

One of its features is that it senses (using GPS) which places you go to often, and then offers directions and travel times to them. So wherever I go, I always know how long it will take to get home. This feature is kind of hit-and-miss. The directions are fine, but it has a bizarre way of deciding which places it should keep track of. A couple of days ago, it offered to keep track of travel distances to Dawson Market, a cafe in Woodstock. I’ve been there a number of times, so I might be interested in directions there. But what odd is that I haven’t been there in months, because it’s been closed for renovations. What caused Google Now to just decide it was important to me?

It's also hit-and-miss when it gives me time updates.  For instance, it figured out that I often go to my hairstylist. (What?  I do have some hair, and it has to be cut.)  Of course, it might be useful to get traffic times to get there.  But it's not smart enough to figure out which places I go to at which times.  It would be useful if it noticed that I only go there at times I have marked in the calendar, and then only gave me updates when my appointment is coming up.  But it can't figure that out, it just gives me all the traffic updates it can, all the time.

Another of the places it keeps track of is my parents' house, and I was quite surprised when it suddenly told me that it would take ten-and-a-half hours to get there, rather than the 50 minutes it usually takes. So what caused that, a massive traffic jam on the back roads of Southern Ontario?

No, here's what happened: In looking through the configuration screens, it asked how I usually get around, with the options being walking, cycling, driving, and public transit. As a downtown resident, I answered it truthfully as walking. So now it thinks that every trip I take is by foot.