With Six You Get Beanroll

I have a lot of respect for Chinese people who run Chinese restaurants.  On the surface, their job may not seem difficult.  You go to a new land, and immediately go into a field where you have an unfair advantage over everyone because of your heritage.  You also skip having to assimilate to the new culture.  It's the easy way out.  Besides the twelve-hour days six days a week part.

But as you may know, the "Chinese" food in North America is a rather warped version of actual Chinese food.  It's mostly based on the cuisine of Hong Kong and environs, since that's where the early Chinese immigrants came from.  The cooking has been adapted to local tastes and available ingredients.  And a lot of it was invented by immigrants in the U.S. long after they left home.  When you realise all this, you've got to wonder what they're thinking when they go into business making inauthentic food that misrepresents their homeland. 

To put this in terms we can more easily understand: Lets say you decide to emigrate to the planet Xardak.  You arrive to find that there are many Earth Food Restaurants, and the Xardakians always have an appetite for more.  It sounds like a great business opportunity.  But upon going to one of these Earth restaurants, you're horrified to see what they've done to our food.  Battered hamburger patties.  Curry with melted mozzarella on top.  Deep-fried sushi.  Pizza covered with one giant pepperoni.

So what do you do?  They'll never accept real Human food now that they've gotten used to their version of it.  You'd have to sell the Xardakians the food they want, trying not to gag as you ladle out their New England Clam Borscht.  Bite your tongue as you want so badly to point out that French Fries don't really go on a Caesar salad.  Try to convince them that this "Jambalaya" that you're introducing really is authentic Earth cooking, but their favourite stir-fried spaghetti is just something some guy made up when he was running out of ingredients. 

Maybe if your restaurant is in a bohemian neighbourhood of a Xardakian metropolis, you could convince a few trendy aliens to try your mother's recipe for shepherd's pie.  But for most Earth ex-pats, you'll have to conform to expectations if you want to stay in business.  Your only satisfaction will come from talking about your customers behind their backs in English.  Or, for maximum irony, learn to do it in Mandarin.