There's been a lot of talk in the football world about the bullying scandal in which Miami Dolphins' Richie Incognito is accused of harassing teammate Jonathan Martin to the point that Martin left the team midseason. Overall, I've been pleasantly surprised with people's reaction to it. There have been defenders of hazing, and the "man-up" philosophy of sports and masculinity, but those have mainly been from the periphery. Mainstream sports pundits have roundly criticized the concept. Also, I've learned that some coaches have banned hazing, on the sensible idea that singling out some team members for negative treatment is going to take away from the team feeling.
A lot has been made of the fact that so many teammates have taken Incognito's side. Though I would point out that none of them have been saying he did what he was accused of doing, and I support that. Rather, they've been saying that they never saw the sort of behaviour he's been accused of.
Honestly, I don't think they're lying. The fact is that bullying is often less clear than we expect. I say that slightly reluctantly, because that aspect of the story has pushed some journalists away. That's one complaint I do have about the coverage: once the teammates started denying Martin's characterization, I noticed a few journalists start to gloss over the story, saying little more than, "it's complicated." And I'm sure, saying to themselves, thank God I don't have to care about that anymore.
Well the fact is, it can be complicated. Bullying can be inconsistent, done in private, or done in a perverse attempt at friendship. Victims may cover their torment out of embarrassment, an attempt to fit in, or an attempt at placating the bully. And bystanders may not see everything because they don't have the experience to see the signs, or because they just want to believe everything is all right. Hopefully this story will be a learning experience for all of us.
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