Give 'Til It Hurts

Here's my idea for a Liberal Party fundraising letter:

Dear Canadian Voter,

We, the Liberal Party of Canada, don't have any fancy data-mining software to tell us if you're likely to give us any money.  We don't even know if you've ever supported the Liberal party before.  But it is statistically likely that you are a TV viewer.  So we ask you: do you really like this endless stream of monotonous Conservative attack ads cluttering your favourite shows?  Think how much more entertaining Canadian TV would be if we could afford our own attack ads in response.

Conservative attack ads used to be well-produced wonders of psychological manipulation, but these Justin Trudeau ads are cluttered and unfocused.  Their ad department has clearly gotten complacent.  That sarcastic tone in the narrator's voice when he says Trudeau was a camp counsellor?  That's like something out of a second-rate congressional district race's attack ad: Canadians deserve better.  The Conservatives are even taking old, out-of-context quotes to make it sound like Trudeau thinks his province is better than the rest of the country.  Just think what we could do with old, out-of-context Harper quotes about Alberta.

In summary, we're not asking you to vote for us, we're not even asking you to like us.  But if you want to make every commercial break into a wildly-entertaining reality show that would make Gordon Ramsay blush, we need your donation.