Always On My Mind

You sometimes hear a person praised for always saying what's on their mind.

I don't know why this is such a good thing. I'm far more concerned with what a person has on their minds, rather than whether they say it. After all, a quick look at social media verifies that opinions are not rare, but thought is. I have to wonder why you never hear this said about people who have a lot of interesting things on their mind.

“This is Sue; she always says what's on her mind.”
“Pleased to meet you. Do you think a person can feel in control of their life without blaming themselves for their failings?”

I don't know, maybe people are like this if they’re in a more intellectual setting. Say, in a physics institute, they do describe one another that way.

“This is Dr. McNeil, she always says what's on her mind.”
“Hi, I believe quantum chromodynamics can be modified to explain the weak interactions of nucleons.”

Really, if we're honest about what is actually on our minds most of the time, we'd admit that it's good that people don't usually say what's on their mind.

“This is Bob; he always says what's on his mind.”
“How are you doing? I have to get bread on the way home.”

Of course, for myself and others, we've noticed the says-what's-on-our-mind compliment is just a polite way of saying that someone is an asshole.

How is it that we only say that about assholes? You'd think there are some nice people out there who say what's on their mind, and it's always something nice. Okay, for that sort of person, we'd probably just say that they're nice. And that further shows how say-what’s-on-your-mind is calling you an asshole: for most people who say what's on their mind, we just describe what they are like. Dr. McNeil up there is a physicist, not someone who says what’s on her mind, and it’s usually about physics. If we don't want to mention what they usually talk about, we praise them for talking.

But that's weird: I think most of us would agree that assholes would be better if they spoke less.

“Here's Joe. He never says what's on his mind.”
“…”
“That's too bad.”
“No no, Joe’s an asshole, so it's better this way.”

But here’s what's really perplexing about this: if saying someone always-says-what’s-on-their-mind is really another way of saying a person is an asshole, then the people saying this are not practicing what they preach. If you really believe that saying what you're thinking is more important than being polite or respected, then just say it: that’s Barb, she's an asshole, and I like that.