You Can Use Windows 8 To Read This Post!

Microsoft has a pretty spotty record when it comes to advertising.  There was the infamous ad with Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfeld:



Yep, I just watched it again, and it doesn't make any more sense than I remembered. 

There were all those "To the cloud" ads, none of which actually used cloud computing, and this one was bragging about a feature everyone had already seen from Photoshop at least ten years earlier:



And that seems to be their problem now.  Microsoft has lost sight of the idea that people want technology to do new things.  Like this ad that has thankfully finally stopped running:



The message being that a Windows PC can search the internet, play videos, and run Angry Birds. You know what else can do that? A three-year-old iPhone. 

That's the format for most Microsoft ads: a big song and dance about really mundane things.  We've got a tablet with a keyboard, isn't that amazing?  Not really, it's just a funny-looking laptop.  Microsoft has become that out-of-touch relative that finally notices new inventions years after everyone else.  Great, I have to show Aunt Sarah how to check her e-mail.  Then I have to explain Twitter to Uncle Microsoft.

May I Be Frank?

Earlier I pointed out that the reaction to Pope Benedict's resignation was highly polarised between people who see the Catholic church as hopelessly out of touch and people who see it as vital and hopeful.  And now the reaction to the new Pope has fallen along similar lines.  Either Francis is a great and wonderful light for the whole world who possesses every possible positive attribute, or he's too conservative, won't change things for women or gays, so nothing's changed:  Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

But he is changing some things.  He's putting a new emphasis on helping the poor.  I don't know whether this is a product of his being from a developing country - and thus something we should expect from popes in the future - or maybe just his style.  It's just not the change that liberals were hoping for.

Here's my radical new way of looking at it.  Maybe this is still a good thing.  Don't get me wrong, I wish he was introducing new and modern ways that are fairer to women and more accepting of homosexuals.  But I ask you, what does the world need most?  Gay rights are gaining momentum, and women in the developing world are starting to stand up and make themselves heard.  These things are being done without the church's blessing.

But fighting for the poor?  Let's face it: we're losing badly. The poor-bring-it-on-themselves philosophy has become dominant in the west, and the aid-does-more-harm-than-good belief has allowed cynicism to hold back international aid.  Yes, my fellow progressives, I hate to admit it, but we're in over our heads on this one, and we could really use the church's help.  Moreover, we need their help on poverty more than we need their help on gay and women's rights.  It may just be that for all our disagreements with him, Francis is just who we need right now.

Things The Teenage Me Would Never Have Believed About The Future, #6

First of all, the term "Robot War" is being used in headlines:

...and secondly, when I saw it my first reaction was just to think that "inquisitor" was bit of a loaded term.

...From My Cliched, Dead Hands

Lots of people have aspects of their lives that are totally unexpected, that run counter to our preconceptions.  For instance, I mentioned watching the Daytona 500, not what you'd expect for a liberal Canadian hipster.  Then when I was researching Tom Morello for that post a few days ago, I came across the fact that he's also a huge Trekkie, and even did a cameo appearance on Star Trek: Voyager.

That sort of thing happens so often in our modern and complex society, that it actually stands out when people play into their stereotypes.  I had one of those moments when Chad Kroeger and Avril Lavigne did an ad for the Junos.  As with any liberal Canadian hipster, I already think of the Junos as the symbol of emphasising popularity above all else, and it would be hard to pick anyone to better reaffirm those feelings.  Were Justin Bieber and Carly Rae Jepsen not available?  Then there was the story of how Marc Ouellett, Canadian Cardinal and Papal candidate, went into the priesthood after an injury made him rethink a career in hockey.

The same thing happened when news came out that the NRA is going to sponsor a NASCAR race, in Texas no less.  There'll be all sorts of morality questions asked in the media, but I'm asking:  Does the NRA really need more visibility or positive public relations among NASCAR fans?  Surely they should be sponsoring an art show in New York or a poetry jam in San Francisco.  But then, Tim Hortons does spend a lot sponsoring hockey and curling, so maybe there's something to this seemingly redundant advertising.

Relocation Relocation Relocation

Sometimes sports teams seem to be a great reflection of the cities they represent.  Two of the best examples are the Pittsburgh Steelers (gritty physical team from a resilient, blue-collar town) and the L. A. Lakers (a team from the capital of the entertainment business, traditionally led by superstars.)

But then there are other teams that don’t seem to belong at all.  Here are some of my choices for teams that should really move somewhere more appropriate:

Pittsburgh Penguins

City known for dirty, failing industry hosts successful team built on skill of highly-skilled foreigners
Better place: Silicon Valley

Montreal Canadiens

Has some things going for it, but usually disappoint under the weight of excessive expectations.
Better place: Toronto

New York Yankees

Boorish fans cheer on team that simplistically wins by out-spending rivals.  Not the effete city we love/hate.
Better place: L.A. (or move the stadium to Wall Street)

Oakland Athletics

Constantly finding alternative ways to win.
Better place: San Francisco

New England Patriots

beautiful and cultured corner of America represented by cold, calculated, mechanical team.
Better place: Milwaukee

Miami Heat

Uses lavish spending to buy a team of stars.
Better place: Well, Dubai really, but we'll say Las Vegas

Phoenix Coyotes

It's a hockey team...in the desert.
Better place: Quebec or Hamilton

Toronto Raptors

Whatever they try to turn things around doesn’t work.
Better place: Detroit

Browse Globally, Shop Locally

I often find myself bouncing from one Wikipedia page to another.  There ought to be a name for that - it's like what people first meant when they talked about web "surfing."  In one recent jaunt, I came across a weird fact: there is a shopping mall in Greenland.  Yes, the Nuuk Centre (in the capital, Nuuk) only has twenty stores, but it is an enclosed shopping area with stores of multiple brands.  Not any stores you'll have heard of, mind you.

I thought of that today as I walked around the Stanley Park Mall here in KW.  I love that place because it's so small for a mostly-occupied mall, and it happens to be about the size of the Nuuk Centre.  And like the Nuuk Centre, it's filled with local stores you've never heard of.  Of course, that's part of the charm: there's no place else you can find the Transylvania Bakery or Ted's Smokes.  And of course there's the tiny underground parking lot, complete with escalator ramps to let people get their grocery carts to and from Zehr's.  (I still can't believe that made financial sense.)  All the place needs is an adorable little food court consisting of a couple of tables in front of a vending machine.

I hope the mall can keep going tough.  Today I noticed that the jewellery-and-paintings-of-Jesus store had a sign outside that read, "Going Out For Business" [sic].  So does that mean they'll be shutting down, or they're making an extra push for customers?  The fact that it's shortly after the Walmart around the corner just opened, that could mean they are taking advantage of the extra traffic, of they're just giving up.  So they're either announcing their demise in broken English - which is just heartbreaking - or doing the sort of awkward pun that only ad writers could like.

Contract With Nirvana

Is it just me, or does this Buddha at the local head shop look like Newt Gingrich?