The Best Games You Can Name

I just saw an ad for the video game Civilization VI. It’s been out for a while, but ever since it’s introduction, they’ve had difficulty getting players to upgrade from Civilization V. But I might be convinced thanks to a new expansion for it, which adds a number of new scenarios and new civilizations you can take on.

If you’re not familiar with it, the Civilization series has you controlling one of the great empires of history, exploring the world, expanding your territory, dealing with other nations. For the most part, the empires play the same, though they are each given unique abilities. For instance, the Iroquois are able to move their units through forests more quickly, and the Mongols can create powerful mounted archers.

What has me excited is that they’re adding Canada as one of the civilizations you can play as.

So what sort of unique abilities will we have in the game?

• Can get more production out of tundra territories, allowing you to use land that other civilizations ignore (more or less accurate)
• Your unique troops: the Mounties (You kind of had to go with that)
• Extra diplomatic abilities prevent allies from turning on you and pre-emptively attacking (a little stereotypical)
• You can build hockey rinks to improve your civilization’s morale and culture (okay, now you’re just making fun of us.)

So that got me thinking about what other video games could use a Canadian edition:

• Pokémon Go: the game is the same, but it’s presented as an episode of Hinterland Who’s Who
• Need For Speed: can you keep up with 401 traffic in a blizzard?
• Madden: renamed Buono and played with CFL rules
• Bioshock: It's a nice, orderly underwater community where everyone respects the law. Until the cod fishery is shut down, then all hell breaks loose.
• Asteroids: no guns; you have to grab the asteroids with the Canadarm
• Guitar Hero Rush Edition: for experts only
• Metal Gear Solid: the stealth classic is made more challenging by Snake’s inability to stop saying, “Sorry” and “Excuse Me”
• Red Dead Redemption: the Mounties show up and prevent the game from happening
• Frostpunk: if you're not familiar with it, this game is about building a city in an inhospitable frozen environment. Not only is no Canadian edition necessary, I think we should sue them for copyright infringement or something.