Seattle Slew

As a hipster who places a great value on morality, I don't have many guilty pleasures. If I believe something is morally wrong, I can't take pleasure in it. But if I enjoy something, I believe you should assert your individuality by enjoying it without guilt.

But one guilty pleasure I do have is the pageantry around sports. As a kid, I practiced drawing by recreating the logos of sports teams. Today I still love that. I have strong opinions on which teams need to adjust their colour schemes. Can the Canucks build around Elias Pettersson, or is he not tough enough to withstand the rigours of an NHL season? Beats me, but I can tell you they should use a darker shade of blue.

So the news that Seattle could be getting a team is pretty exciting, since it will require a new name, logo, uniforms, etc. Yes, I know, everyone wants Quebec to get a replacement for the Nordiques so we can have a return to the Battle of Quebec and really stick it to Gary Bettman. But a whole new team in a new place opens up so many possibilities. As soon as the franchise became official, everyone started brainstorming possible team names. Here are some of the top suggestions I've seen so far:

Seattle Metropolitans

Hockey historians will know that back before the NHL was formed, when the Stanley Cup was awarded to the winner of a series between the champions of top leagues of the time, a team called the Seattle Metropolitans became the first American team to win the Cup. So some people will automatically go with that historical name. It might be too much like the New York Mets, though you could also shorten it to "Metros." Also, people are reminding us that there is a Metropolitan division - silly me, I keep calling it the Patrick division - so I guess this name isn't going to fly.

Seattle Steelheads

That's a type of Rainbow Trout, which has a nice ring to it. And if there's one thing the world needs, it's more fish-based sports teams.

Seattle Sockeyes

A different fish direction, it makes a veiled reference to hockey's fight culture just as it's disappearing. And this logo idea looks great and puts Vancouver's to shame, even if it is epic cultural appropriation.

Seattle Kraken

The Kraken was made famous in Clash of the Titans movies, but it's from an old Norse myth, so there's no copyright concerns here. Of course, being a Norse myth, that means the Kraken lives in the Atlantic, far from Seattle. And the Kraken is usually depicted as an octopus or squid-like creature, and the Red Wings have an octopus as an unofficial symbol. Still, some people put a lot of thought into this particular nickname, and I kind of want to see it.

Seattle Sasquatches

I had no idea Americans even knew what a Sasquatch is. You can't say Seattle Sasquatches five times quickly. And what would the short version be, "the Squatches?" But this team could have a great logo.

Seattle Totems

They used to have a minor league team called the Totems, so this is one of the leading possibilities. You’d think they'll steer clear of indigenous names, but whenever the issue comes up, we're assured that this is a tribute to native peoples, and naming a sports team after one of their religious artifacts couldn't possibly be take the wrong way. I figure that if this name is selected, Seattlites can resign themselves to this team being a Browns-style disaster, since it takes a special kind of incompetence to voluntarily take on that problem.

Fun fact: the Totems minor league team was awarded an NHL expansion team in the 70's, but their financing fell apart before they could get the team started.

Seattle Emeralds

Apparently Seattle is the Emerald City. Fans could do lots of fun things with Wizard of Oz references.

Seattle Seals

Some people are seriously suggesting this. They might want to acquaint themselves with some hockey history.

Seattle Eagles

It's a bit more obscure part of hockey history, but that also has a precedent.

Seattle Firebirds

I don't know what the connection to Seattle is, but I'd love to see jerseys with the Trans Am flaming chicken on them.

Seattle Whales

I like whales, but like most hockey fans, I still have a hope for resurrecting the Hartford Whalers.

Seattle Nor'Westers

Speaking of the Whalers, I came across this idea (scroll down,) which comes with a logo that pays homage to them.

Seattle Grunge

I and many others my age, have reasoned that since there's already a precedent for naming a team after a style of music (the St. Louis Blues) we might as well try that again. You could base the jerseys on Kurt Cobain's shirt from the "Smells Like Teen Spirit video." This Totems concept uni seems to have hinted at that.

But more likely, you'd want to work some plaid into it. Part of me wants to see plaid become part of the sports uniform landscape. Some people have already tried that out in their fantasy leagues. But then I saw this mockup which makes a "Team Spirit" pun. I realized that opens up a new possibility. "Spirit" has been used as a team name in the minors, as with the OHL's Saginaw Spirit. So that would seem like a generic team name, but those of us of a certain age would take it as a double meaning, so now I'm cheering for Seattle Spirit as the darkhorse candidate.