I remember seeing a headline on a magazine cover once that said, “Electric Cars are (Still) Around the Corner.” Of course, that sarcastically got across the idea that electric cars are constantly promised without becoming mainstream. It’s especially meaningful, since I saw that headline in the eighties.
But today that headline is more meaningful because it looks like electric cars finally really are around the corner. So it’s a lesson that just because it seems like some promised revolution is never going to happen, it might still happen one day. So maybe jet packs and space travel are going to happen eventually too.
This walk down Electric Memory Avenue is because I recently saw someone speculate that self-driving cars will become one of those things that will be five-years away for the next forty years. I could certainly believe that: I’ve been skeptical about them, and the over-optimistic predictions in the mainstream media certainly do sound like the predictions of the future that I’ve heard my whole life.
But even skeptics like me have to remember that just like electric cars, it will happen eventually. The irony is that another of those things that have been constantly promised without ever happening is Artificial Intelligence. It was once thought that it was inevitable that computers would be doing all the things humans are capable of in just a few years. But as we learned just how difficult things like language and vision are, the technology wasn’t able to deliver, and the most we ever saw in the real world was the occasional impressive chess computer. I simply got used to hearing an annual prediction that this time next year, we’d be talking to our computers like on Star Trek. Of course, we are now talking to our computers, even if it isn’t quite as smooth as we’d hoped.
What I find interesting is that there is a very different attitude towards self-driving cars. With electric cars, there wasn’t a lot of effort put in by the big companies, and the key innovations ended up coming from outside. Whereas with self-driving technology, there seems to be a rush to avoid being left behind. And that’s the one thing that makes me a little optimistic about the concept: it seems like all these companies are pouring so much time and money into research that they’re going to make it happen out of sheer willpower.
So I wonder why this is different: why didn’t fear of being left behind push car companies to make electric cars work? One reason is because this is less of a car problem and more of a tech problem. The big car companies know that the key innovation could come from some startup no one sees coming, instead of just being a competition of a few corporate behemoths. Also, it used to be that if a car company where caught behind a startup, they could always buy-out the smaller company. But now, between the financial problems of the car industry and the eager investment in technology, it might not be that easy to just buy tech from the innovators.
Also, it’s not just the car companies that want self-driving cars, there’s also the ride-sharing companies. Uber is still losing money, and it’s starting to look like self-driving cars are their only hope. And that’s another thing that isn’t following the previous pattern: Tech companies usually follow one of two trajectories: They lose buckets of money until they get to a scale or structure that makes money (like Amazon) or they discover that their plan was never going to work, however much size and technology they had (like Pets.com).
But Uber’s business plan is clearly in that futile second group, yet investors keep throwing money at it. I’m not sure how this is going to end: Uber has lasted long enough to become an indispensable part of the culture, yet it just can’t survive long-term. It’s like investors love the idea so much that they won’t let anything — not even the rules of economics themselves — prevent it from happening. They’d rather admit that capitalism doesn’t work than have to go back to taxis.
So it’s fitting that Uber’s fate is probably intertwined with self-driving cars: they’re both bad investments that we’re going to make happen, somehow. Part of me admires that tenacity. But mostly, I wish they had gone to the wall for jet packs instead.
Monday, December 31, 2018
Tuesday, December 25, 2018
Sun Life On My Shoulders
I’m stuck here watching the traditional NBA Christmas games, since it’s that or watch year-end retrospectives or sitcom marathons, or get into the twenty-first century and pay for a streaming service. I should have invited someone to watch them. I know the Raptors aren’t doing anything today, I could have asked them. Of course, that’s Canadian basketball’s yearly complaint, that it doesn’t matter how many winning seasons the Raps have, they’ll never get invited to play on one of the Christmas Day marquee games. At the same time, it doesn’t matter how bad the Knicks get, they’ll just keep getting invited back.
But I should acknowledge that this complaint is not just unique to Toronto this year. Not only are the Raps not playing despite leading the league, the Western Conference leading Denver Nuggets are also at home to unwrap presents and watch 28th-out-of-30 New York stagger around the court. I’m sure some folks are putting together anti-Canadian conspiracy theories based on the fact that one of their key players is Canada’s own Jamal Murray.
It’s more likely that the Denver market just isn’t important enough to the American broadcasters. You see the same thing in Baseball, where the Sunday night national telecast has become a tiresome rotation of the same few teams over and over. No, I’m not expecting them to show the Blue Jays — at least over the last couple of years — but teams like Milwaukee and, again, Colorado get ignored even when they have good teams. Having said that, smaller markets Portland and Utah are coming up in the Christmas night game, so you could also chalk this up to the broadcasters and league doing a bad job of predicting which teams will be good this year. If next Christmas features the Nuggets playing the Knicks while the defending-champion Raptors sit, then we can go back to Canadian indignation.
But one thing you can appreciate when watching multiple NBA games is the oddness of the league’s uniform sponsors. Starting at the beginning of last season, teams have had a corporate logo on their uniforms. It’s nice and tasteful, rather than the giant ads used in soccer or the WNBA. So I’m filing it with the NHL’s shootouts under sports ideas I hated but surprisingly don’t get angry about.
It helps that there haven’t been any embarrassing ad associations. That’s in sharp contrast to venue names, where most of the names are okay, but you feel stupid talking about Sleep Train Arena or Smoothie King Center. Actually, it’s been nice that many teams have sponsorship from local companies, such as Harley Davidson for Milwaukee or Goodyear for Cleveland.
But what’s odd is that even though the less-lucrative teams like Sacramento have not had to take sponsorship from Depends or Preparation H, the more popular teams haven’t taken sponsorship from the Blue Chips. Like, you’d think the Warriors would have a bidding war that only the richest companies could hope to win. Say, a local company like Google or Apple. But no, their sponsor is Rakuten, which is a Japanese e-commerce company and not, as I had assumed, a sound effect from Street Fighter. Apparently it’s a big company, I’m just surprised that a bigger American company didn’t want it. Or, to put it another way, Rakuten is apparently called “the Amazon of Japan,” yet they wanted to sponsor an American sports team even more than the Amazon of America did.
And the Lakers should be a big score too, given their history and their Lebron James. But again, they’re sponsored by Wish. Sure, that’s a big company, but you’d expect the Lakers to be sponsored by Exxon or something, if only to match the Celtics and their GE ads. Okay, I guess the current Lakers are promising, but haven’t truly arrived yet, which is sort of like ordering from Wish.
My point is that the ads aren’t really the prestige item you might expect, many companies are seeing it as a path to legitimacy. I guess it’s sort of like a Super Bowl ad. Sure, Coke or GM might make one, but a lot of the time it’s just some dot-com betting half their funding on making a big impression with the public.
But I should acknowledge that this complaint is not just unique to Toronto this year. Not only are the Raps not playing despite leading the league, the Western Conference leading Denver Nuggets are also at home to unwrap presents and watch 28th-out-of-30 New York stagger around the court. I’m sure some folks are putting together anti-Canadian conspiracy theories based on the fact that one of their key players is Canada’s own Jamal Murray.
It’s more likely that the Denver market just isn’t important enough to the American broadcasters. You see the same thing in Baseball, where the Sunday night national telecast has become a tiresome rotation of the same few teams over and over. No, I’m not expecting them to show the Blue Jays — at least over the last couple of years — but teams like Milwaukee and, again, Colorado get ignored even when they have good teams. Having said that, smaller markets Portland and Utah are coming up in the Christmas night game, so you could also chalk this up to the broadcasters and league doing a bad job of predicting which teams will be good this year. If next Christmas features the Nuggets playing the Knicks while the defending-champion Raptors sit, then we can go back to Canadian indignation.
But one thing you can appreciate when watching multiple NBA games is the oddness of the league’s uniform sponsors. Starting at the beginning of last season, teams have had a corporate logo on their uniforms. It’s nice and tasteful, rather than the giant ads used in soccer or the WNBA. So I’m filing it with the NHL’s shootouts under sports ideas I hated but surprisingly don’t get angry about.
It helps that there haven’t been any embarrassing ad associations. That’s in sharp contrast to venue names, where most of the names are okay, but you feel stupid talking about Sleep Train Arena or Smoothie King Center. Actually, it’s been nice that many teams have sponsorship from local companies, such as Harley Davidson for Milwaukee or Goodyear for Cleveland.
But what’s odd is that even though the less-lucrative teams like Sacramento have not had to take sponsorship from Depends or Preparation H, the more popular teams haven’t taken sponsorship from the Blue Chips. Like, you’d think the Warriors would have a bidding war that only the richest companies could hope to win. Say, a local company like Google or Apple. But no, their sponsor is Rakuten, which is a Japanese e-commerce company and not, as I had assumed, a sound effect from Street Fighter. Apparently it’s a big company, I’m just surprised that a bigger American company didn’t want it. Or, to put it another way, Rakuten is apparently called “the Amazon of Japan,” yet they wanted to sponsor an American sports team even more than the Amazon of America did.
And the Lakers should be a big score too, given their history and their Lebron James. But again, they’re sponsored by Wish. Sure, that’s a big company, but you’d expect the Lakers to be sponsored by Exxon or something, if only to match the Celtics and their GE ads. Okay, I guess the current Lakers are promising, but haven’t truly arrived yet, which is sort of like ordering from Wish.
My point is that the ads aren’t really the prestige item you might expect, many companies are seeing it as a path to legitimacy. I guess it’s sort of like a Super Bowl ad. Sure, Coke or GM might make one, but a lot of the time it’s just some dot-com betting half their funding on making a big impression with the public.
Thursday, December 13, 2018
Welcome To The Satire House
I always liked the song, "Bohemian Like You" by the Dandy Warhols. Yes, I know, it may pale in comparison to the other song with Bohemian in the title, but it's still a fun and catchy song. (This is the censored, but probably still NSFW video:)
For one thing, it's great to hear hipsters playfully making fun of themselves. Though they may have a reputation for being humourously self-important, the fact is that they can (mostly) laugh at themselves just as much as anyone.
But I heard it on the radio recently, and the DJ pointed out that although it's clearly about hipsters, it doesn't use that word because the song was released in 2000, which was before hipsters were really a thing. But even if they weren't recognized by most people, here's a song written by and for hipsters, and it's making fun of them. So hipsters had identified their own culture and started ridiculing it before the general population. Or, to put it another way, they were making fun of hipsters before it was cool. So that's it, there is nothing that hipsters won't do before everyone else discovers it.
For one thing, it's great to hear hipsters playfully making fun of themselves. Though they may have a reputation for being humourously self-important, the fact is that they can (mostly) laugh at themselves just as much as anyone.
But I heard it on the radio recently, and the DJ pointed out that although it's clearly about hipsters, it doesn't use that word because the song was released in 2000, which was before hipsters were really a thing. But even if they weren't recognized by most people, here's a song written by and for hipsters, and it's making fun of them. So hipsters had identified their own culture and started ridiculing it before the general population. Or, to put it another way, they were making fun of hipsters before it was cool. So that's it, there is nothing that hipsters won't do before everyone else discovers it.
Wednesday, December 12, 2018
Cold Comfort
Recently we've had controversy because some radio stations have banned the song, "Baby, It's Cold Outside" for its connotations of date rape. While you might think that this is a result of oversensitivity in the age of #MeToo, I have to point out that people were finding it kind of creepy for years before. I also have to point out that others claim the song was originally intended quite differently: the idea was that the young lady wants to spend the night with the man, but social mores of the time prevent it, so the two of them are trying to build up the idea of the bad weather to give her an acceptable excuse to stay.
I'm no expert on the moral nuances of the 1940's so I can't say which interpretation is correct, but there's one thing I do know: The Anti-PC crowd has been so distracted by this that I haven't had to endure a single It's-Merry-Christmas-not-Happy-Holidays rant. Wow, all it took was sacrificing a song that lots of people hated anyway. We should do this every year.
The other big story that's been getting the goat of the Politically Incorrect is that People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has demanded that we stop using phrases involving the disrespect of animals, such as "getting your goat." As I've observed before, PETA has a strange random targetting pattern, where they make proclamations as it occurs to them, not caring what the reaction to them.
As a liberal with an interest in political strategy, that's the sort of action that costs me patches of hair and years off my life: So many people and organizations just act on what ever they feel like, without asking if this is the battle we really need to be fighting right now, or if it will lead to a backlash that does more harm than good. And PETA is clearly the worst for this, regularly picking fights that make its whole cause a laughingstock for no gain at all.
And yet, part of me admires that bold disregard for consequences. I think we all admire audacity, and PETA has it in spades, even if it doesn't come with much guidance. Hey, you know who else likes people who act without considering the consequences? The Anti-PC crowd. Once again, the extremes have a lot in common.
I'm no expert on the moral nuances of the 1940's so I can't say which interpretation is correct, but there's one thing I do know: The Anti-PC crowd has been so distracted by this that I haven't had to endure a single It's-Merry-Christmas-not-Happy-Holidays rant. Wow, all it took was sacrificing a song that lots of people hated anyway. We should do this every year.
The other big story that's been getting the goat of the Politically Incorrect is that People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has demanded that we stop using phrases involving the disrespect of animals, such as "getting your goat." As I've observed before, PETA has a strange random targetting pattern, where they make proclamations as it occurs to them, not caring what the reaction to them.
As a liberal with an interest in political strategy, that's the sort of action that costs me patches of hair and years off my life: So many people and organizations just act on what ever they feel like, without asking if this is the battle we really need to be fighting right now, or if it will lead to a backlash that does more harm than good. And PETA is clearly the worst for this, regularly picking fights that make its whole cause a laughingstock for no gain at all.
And yet, part of me admires that bold disregard for consequences. I think we all admire audacity, and PETA has it in spades, even if it doesn't come with much guidance. Hey, you know who else likes people who act without considering the consequences? The Anti-PC crowd. Once again, the extremes have a lot in common.
Wednesday, December 5, 2018
Seattle Slew
As a hipster who places a great value on morality, I don't have many guilty pleasures. If I believe something is morally wrong, I can't take pleasure in it. But if I enjoy something, I believe you should assert your individuality by enjoying it without guilt.
But one guilty pleasure I do have is the pageantry around sports. As a kid, I practiced drawing by recreating the logos of sports teams. Today I still love that. I have strong opinions on which teams need to adjust their colour schemes. Can the Canucks build around Elias Pettersson, or is he not tough enough to withstand the rigours of an NHL season? Beats me, but I can tell you they should use a darker shade of blue.
So the news that Seattle could be getting a team is pretty exciting, since it will require a new name, logo, uniforms, etc. Yes, I know, everyone wants Quebec to get a replacement for the Nordiques so we can have a return to the Battle of Quebec and really stick it to Gary Bettman. But a whole new team in a new place opens up so many possibilities. As soon as the franchise became official, everyone started brainstorming possible team names. Here are some of the top suggestions I've seen so far:
Fun fact: the Totems minor league team was awarded an NHL expansion team in the 70's, but their financing fell apart before they could get the team started.
But more likely, you'd want to work some plaid into it. Part of me wants to see plaid become part of the sports uniform landscape. Some people have already tried that out in their fantasy leagues. But then I saw this mockup which makes a "Team Spirit" pun. I realized that opens up a new possibility. "Spirit" has been used as a team name in the minors, as with the OHL's Saginaw Spirit. So that would seem like a generic team name, but those of us of a certain age would take it as a double meaning, so now I'm cheering for Seattle Spirit as the darkhorse candidate.
But one guilty pleasure I do have is the pageantry around sports. As a kid, I practiced drawing by recreating the logos of sports teams. Today I still love that. I have strong opinions on which teams need to adjust their colour schemes. Can the Canucks build around Elias Pettersson, or is he not tough enough to withstand the rigours of an NHL season? Beats me, but I can tell you they should use a darker shade of blue.
So the news that Seattle could be getting a team is pretty exciting, since it will require a new name, logo, uniforms, etc. Yes, I know, everyone wants Quebec to get a replacement for the Nordiques so we can have a return to the Battle of Quebec and really stick it to Gary Bettman. But a whole new team in a new place opens up so many possibilities. As soon as the franchise became official, everyone started brainstorming possible team names. Here are some of the top suggestions I've seen so far:
Seattle Metropolitans
Hockey historians will know that back before the NHL was formed, when the Stanley Cup was awarded to the winner of a series between the champions of top leagues of the time, a team called the Seattle Metropolitans became the first American team to win the Cup. So some people will automatically go with that historical name. It might be too much like the New York Mets, though you could also shorten it to "Metros." Also, people are reminding us that there is a Metropolitan division - silly me, I keep calling it the Patrick division - so I guess this name isn't going to fly.Seattle Steelheads
That's a type of Rainbow Trout, which has a nice ring to it. And if there's one thing the world needs, it's more fish-based sports teams.Seattle Sockeyes
A different fish direction, it makes a veiled reference to hockey's fight culture just as it's disappearing. And this logo idea looks great and puts Vancouver's to shame, even if it is epic cultural appropriation.Seattle Kraken
The Kraken was made famous in Clash of the Titans movies, but it's from an old Norse myth, so there's no copyright concerns here. Of course, being a Norse myth, that means the Kraken lives in the Atlantic, far from Seattle. And the Kraken is usually depicted as an octopus or squid-like creature, and the Red Wings have an octopus as an unofficial symbol. Still, some people put a lot of thought into this particular nickname, and I kind of want to see it.Seattle Sasquatches
I had no idea Americans even knew what a Sasquatch is. You can't say Seattle Sasquatches five times quickly. And what would the short version be, "the Squatches?" But this team could have a great logo.Seattle Totems
They used to have a minor league team called the Totems, so this is one of the leading possibilities. You’d think they'll steer clear of indigenous names, but whenever the issue comes up, we're assured that this is a tribute to native peoples, and naming a sports team after one of their religious artifacts couldn't possibly be take the wrong way. I figure that if this name is selected, Seattlites can resign themselves to this team being a Browns-style disaster, since it takes a special kind of incompetence to voluntarily take on that problem.Fun fact: the Totems minor league team was awarded an NHL expansion team in the 70's, but their financing fell apart before they could get the team started.
Seattle Emeralds
Apparently Seattle is the Emerald City. Fans could do lots of fun things with Wizard of Oz references.Seattle Seals
Some people are seriously suggesting this. They might want to acquaint themselves with some hockey history.Seattle Eagles
It's a bit more obscure part of hockey history, but that also has a precedent.Seattle Firebirds
I don't know what the connection to Seattle is, but I'd love to see jerseys with the Trans Am flaming chicken on them.Seattle Whales
I like whales, but like most hockey fans, I still have a hope for resurrecting the Hartford Whalers.Seattle Nor'Westers
Speaking of the Whalers, I came across this idea (scroll down,) which comes with a logo that pays homage to them.Seattle Grunge
I and many others my age, have reasoned that since there's already a precedent for naming a team after a style of music (the St. Louis Blues) we might as well try that again. You could base the jerseys on Kurt Cobain's shirt from the "Smells Like Teen Spirit video." This Totems concept uni seems to have hinted at that.But more likely, you'd want to work some plaid into it. Part of me wants to see plaid become part of the sports uniform landscape. Some people have already tried that out in their fantasy leagues. But then I saw this mockup which makes a "Team Spirit" pun. I realized that opens up a new possibility. "Spirit" has been used as a team name in the minors, as with the OHL's Saginaw Spirit. So that would seem like a generic team name, but those of us of a certain age would take it as a double meaning, so now I'm cheering for Seattle Spirit as the darkhorse candidate.
Saturday, December 1, 2018
Tough (Nursery) Room
I sometimes wonder what life would have been like if I had a blog right from birth. Sure, the entries up to age fifteen would be brief because that’s when I learned to touch-type. But I had plenty of things to vent about. And I guess I owe it to my younger self to go back and belatedly complain.
Like, the jokes we tell kids. As a child, you often get exposed to jokes, particularly in riddle form, through books or other activities that are supposed to be fun. I think it’s about time that I speak up for kids and say, those jokes are crap. Well they were in the seventies anyway, maybe they’re better now.
Like, there was one joke: What do you get when you cross an owl with a goat? A hootenanny. I guess that’s funny, but the problem is that appreciating the joke requires knowing what a hootenanny is, or at the very least, knowing that it is a thing, and not just a random collection of sounds. Of course, as a four-year-old, my experience with free-form folk happenings was rather limited, so I had no idea what that word meant. So not only did I not find it funny, I misunderstood the whole idea of riddles for a while, assuming them to be some kind of bizarre random code rather than a form of humour.
Indeed, I just saw “What is a hootenanny?” Among a list of trivia questions, so it’s hardly a fair joke topic for a child.
But the ultimate bad joke for kids is, “Why did the chicken cross the road?” Potentially, it’s a funny joke, but it relies on two things from its audience:
It’s actually pretty surprising that the joke is still around: by the time you have the necessary mental faculties to understand it, it’s so old that you can’t appreciate it. Just think, probably no one in the western world has laughed at that joke in the last fifty years, and yet somehow, it’s still with us.
But this whole walk through bad-joke memories was triggered by something I saw in a store recently. It was a toddler’s sweater that a picture of crossed hockey sticks on it, with the words, “Ice Ice Baby.” That struck me as tremendously unfair to the child. To them, it’s just a reference to ice as a skating surface, and they have no way of knowing that they’re walking around with the title of a song on their chest — a song they may come to consider rather embarrassing, depending on their own musical direction.
Of course, the makers of the shirt are counting on appealing to the parents, many of whom today are of an age where they will recognize the joke and find the shirt funny. But that would be like if someone my age had been forced to wear a shirt with a humourous reference to a Pat Boone song. Thanks mom and dad, you’re using me as a pawn in pop-cultural struggles for your own amusement. I’ll make my own musical choices, thank you, right after I figure out this ‘irony’ thing.
Like, the jokes we tell kids. As a child, you often get exposed to jokes, particularly in riddle form, through books or other activities that are supposed to be fun. I think it’s about time that I speak up for kids and say, those jokes are crap. Well they were in the seventies anyway, maybe they’re better now.
Like, there was one joke: What do you get when you cross an owl with a goat? A hootenanny. I guess that’s funny, but the problem is that appreciating the joke requires knowing what a hootenanny is, or at the very least, knowing that it is a thing, and not just a random collection of sounds. Of course, as a four-year-old, my experience with free-form folk happenings was rather limited, so I had no idea what that word meant. So not only did I not find it funny, I misunderstood the whole idea of riddles for a while, assuming them to be some kind of bizarre random code rather than a form of humour.
Indeed, I just saw “What is a hootenanny?” Among a list of trivia questions, so it’s hardly a fair joke topic for a child.
But the ultimate bad joke for kids is, “Why did the chicken cross the road?” Potentially, it’s a funny joke, but it relies on two things from its audience:
- They’ve heard a large number of jokes in the riddle format.
- They have a good appreciation of irony.
It’s actually pretty surprising that the joke is still around: by the time you have the necessary mental faculties to understand it, it’s so old that you can’t appreciate it. Just think, probably no one in the western world has laughed at that joke in the last fifty years, and yet somehow, it’s still with us.
But this whole walk through bad-joke memories was triggered by something I saw in a store recently. It was a toddler’s sweater that a picture of crossed hockey sticks on it, with the words, “Ice Ice Baby.” That struck me as tremendously unfair to the child. To them, it’s just a reference to ice as a skating surface, and they have no way of knowing that they’re walking around with the title of a song on their chest — a song they may come to consider rather embarrassing, depending on their own musical direction.
Of course, the makers of the shirt are counting on appealing to the parents, many of whom today are of an age where they will recognize the joke and find the shirt funny. But that would be like if someone my age had been forced to wear a shirt with a humourous reference to a Pat Boone song. Thanks mom and dad, you’re using me as a pawn in pop-cultural struggles for your own amusement. I’ll make my own musical choices, thank you, right after I figure out this ‘irony’ thing.
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