Anyway, the reminiscer in question brought up a point I hadn't considered: what good is transforming into a car? It doesn't really give you any powers beyond that of a person who merely owns a car. I guess that's true. And it certainly takes me back to my high school days to think that owning a car is the equivalent of a super power.
Then later, I was watching a cheesy technology program from one of the kinda-science cable channels, and they were exploring the implications of a future where you can upload your consciousness to a computer. You could of course, create any sort of robotic body you wanted to occupy. But rather than assume you'd choose a Scarlett Johansson super-cyborg, they mentioned the possibility that you could use any kind of machine - such as a car, like KITT from Knight Rider. The talking head experts didn't think there was much merit in that idea, but the narrator (Lawrence Fishburne, appropriately) thought that would be pretty cool.
So that got me thinking, if I could be a car, what kind would I want to be? Supposedly when Paul Newman did a voice for the original Cars movie, his one demand was that he got to choose what kind of car he played. So I guess he'd already thought about it. But for me, I'm not really sure.
Many people would choose a supercar, but their many limitations would be a problem, like not going over speed bumps. Really, they aren’t that super. I figure that if Superman can do all the things that normal people can do in addition to flying etc, then supercars should be able to do all the things normal cars can do. But no, they’re like, “Wanna see me fly? Okay, carry me over to the window.”
I think you'd want to be a car that has the widest range of abilities, rather than incredible abilities in just one area.
So here are some ideas:
- Subaru WRX STI - a souped-up compact that's the prototypical multiple-ability car. And it's always seemed like the automotive equivalent of the 98 pound weakling who took the Charles Atlas course and is now back for revenge. But at the same time, its many wings and vents look like someone trying to hard to be cool. I suspect it would be like someone walking around in a cloud of Axe body spray.
- BMW 7 Series - great all-around cars, but being a BMW would be like being trapped in Tommy Hilfiger clothes that you can never take off.
- Mercedes Benz S-Class - as above, but with Ralph Lauren.
- Any truck - again, useful, but people would make assumptions about you. And let's face it, I'd go off road about as much as your average truck driver.
- Camaro- the closest thing today to the Firebird that was the basis for KITT. But I'd want to be a vehicle that gets good mileage, otherwise it would be like being hungry all the time.
- Tesla - certainly capable cars, and they’re likely to be the first cars with enough computing power for you to download your consciousness. The problem is the recharging. If you’re driving a car, you don’t mind plugging it in for hours when you aren’t using it. But that’s really inconvenient for the car - it’s stuck in the garage, and you know you’re going to get a party invite just after you plug in.
- Mazda MX-5 Miata - It’s famously the answer for everything, but I don’t think it works here. It would be fun to be a sporty, good-looking little car, but you’d have to keep explaining to everyone else that it’s okay that you only have a little four cylinder, no I don’t mind not being able to go as fast as you, yes I’m confident in my masculinity. You’d probably just end up as a loner, hanging out with Honda CRX’s and Lotus Elises because they’re the only ones that get you.
- Volvo - as the best at surviving crashes, they'd be the Wolverines of the automotive world. That would be worth being the dorky one.
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