Sunday, June 11, 2017

Pineapple Express

This weekend we got news that the inventor of Hawaiian pizza has died. You may know - or may have just guessed - that Hawaiian pizza is not actually Hawaiian. In fact, it's not even popular in Hawaii.

I think I heard somewhere that Hawaiian pizza is originally Canadian. But I definitely didn't know that it was from Chatham of all places. So score one for small-town Ontario. It's good to know that between this and Crokinole we've made a lasting mark, of some sort.

It's also interesting that the inventor was of neither Italian or Hawaiian origin, but rather Greek. So a Greek immigrant running an Italian restaurant naming something after a place in the U.S. is either the most Canadian thing ever, or an epic incident of cultural appropriation.

Mostly though, I have to ask, can we please use this moment to end the tiresome argument about pineapples on pizza? Yes, I know, it's supposed to be one of those silly time-wasters where we have passionate discussions of something that doesn't really matter, like over-the-top vs. down-the-wall toilet paper. But this one is just annoying because:
  • Hawaiian pizza has been around since the sixties, it's too late now. Watching people in their forties suddenly feigning disgust at a food that's been around their entire lives just sounds forced. It's not like we don't have new foods to get angry about. I mean, who decided salt and caramel have to go together? In what world is caramel not good enough on its own? Or not bad enough for you?
  • It goes against the democratic appeal of pizza. As the ultimate personalizable food, I don't really care what disgusting things other people are putting on their pizza. I know someone in the world loves to defile their pizza with brussels sprouts, but I'm okay with that. I disapprove of their pizza, but I will defend to the death their right to eat it.
  • Pineapple is constantly dropping down the list of unconventional pizza toppings. Look at Canada's other unconventional pizza institution named after an unrelated part of the U.S.: Boston Pizza. Have you looked at their menu? You can get perogy pizza with potatoes and sour cream on it; how is that not a bigger abomination?

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