Here In My Car, I Feel Safest Of All

A few weeks ago, I wrote a post excoriating GM for TV ads using stereotypes to sell trucks and ridicule small car drivers. Around the same time I wrote that, BMW was starting up their own campaign.

These ads show video of a BMW being driven at high speed around a track. Meanwhile, the incongruous audio is of someone praising a businessman. In one ad, it's part of a speech presenting an award, while another has a boss announcing a promotion. In both cases, they're pretty anonymous: there are few details about the unheard subject's achievements. The message is just one of success in business. I'd summarize the ads as BMW saying, "You know how everyone thinks our customers are self-centred materialist pricks? Well, we're totally okay with that."

This is pretty surprising. I know, we can't expect all products to appeal to us, but these aren't cases of brands that merely miss me; they're completely the opposite of what I want. So I want to know: if Chevy and BMW can be so completely different from me, who is similarly perfect for me?

As a child/teen following the world of cars, I got the idea that Saab was the brand for me. It had a nice mix of quirk, engineering, design, sportiness and efficiency. But alas, long before I could afford one, Saab had gone to that great parking lot in the sky.

So who else would I go with?

• Subaru? They briefly built a car for Saab in their final days, and seem to have inherited the quirky car crown from them. And the WRX STI has always appealed to me as the nerdy car vengeance machine.
• Mazda? I mentioned my appreciation of them - despite their ads - in the past.
• Volvo? Saab's stuffier Scandinavian brother is another possibility. Again, they have the anti-cool coolness I appreciate.
• Tesla?  Well sure, just give me a few decades to save up.

(And If you're thinking it was sexist that I characterized Volvo as male, I refer you to their logo.)

My point is that although car makers have their own personalities, there are still a lot of people who aren't covered.  If you're masculine, aggressive, materialist, - or, for that matter, dull - then you have lots of choices. But geeky hipster guys in touch with their feminine side are out of luck.