On The Offensive

There's a perception in the world today that people are too easily offended; you can't mention anything without someone complaining about it. Personally, I don't share this view, but that's not what I'm here to argue about. Instead, I'd like to open people's minds to the possibility that some good can come from people being offended. No, no, not that harmony and mutual respect and all that crap. I mean we can use it as a weapon to get rid of bad pop-culture.

This is the aspect of Political Correctness that gets lost in the debate: A lot of politically-incorrect media isn't that good to begin with. Stereotypes are many things, but at their heart, they're cliches. That's why I'm always perplexed when a comedian laments all the humour prevented by political correctness: I can understand why you might want to fight for the principle, but I wouldn't think you'd actually want to tell decades-old jokes.

I'm thinking about this because of the new movie Split, which seems to be the usual kidnapping/murder horror movie, where the twist is that the antagonist has multiple personalities. Of course, people are complaining about the portrayal of people with the condition, or as it's properly known, Dissociative Identity Disorder. You might assume that I saw an article about how people are angry about the movie, so I wrote this post. But no, I hadn't seen anything about the movie other than the TV spots for it every ten minutes. I just assumed there'd be complaints based on how the condition is being used as an easy story device.

It really doesn't look like a great movie. I'm not a horror fan, so I'm not the best to judge, but it looks transparently manipulative. And it's from critical punching-bag, M. Night Shyamalan. And it's being released in the movie graveyard of late January. And the plot is disturbingly similar to the terrible film-within-a-film that Charlie Kaufman's brother writes in Adaptation.

So putting aside the principles, I think you'd have to root for the folks targetting the movie. Letting them drive this movie out of the theatres isn't going to start a slippery slope to newspeak. So how about you spend this month arguing for freedom of speech in the abstract, and look the other way while activists run this flick into the ground. Let's use the power of offense to benefit us all.

(I swear, they just ran another ad for Split as I was finishing this post.)

I Am Jack's Disappointment With Social Media

Watching the Playstation Fiesta Bowl, Ohio State got off to a slow start when their kicker missed his first two field goal attempts. That's not a big deal, unless you're a fan of The Ohio State University, which I'm not. But during the awkward let's-show-close-ups-of-the-guy-who-screwed-up shots, they mentioned that the kicker's name is Tyler Durbin. Of course, that's quite similar to Tyler Durden, the character from Fight Club played in the movie by Brad Pitt. So when I saw that "Tyler Durbin" was trending on Twitter, I had to check it out, assuming I'd see creative humour based on the movie.

But I was disappointed. All I saw was angry, mindless condemnation of Durbin. In a few cases, it even escalated to idle threats against him, should he ever return to campus. Okay, there were a very few that made Fight Club-related jokes of the form, "The first rule of Missed Field Goal Club is..." But mainly, I was just overwhelmed with the unrepentant anger expressed. Certainly, I've been frustrated when a team does poorly in the big game, but I've never felt that much anger at a single player. Oh, and by the way guys, if your team's first-half offense consists entirely of two missed 40+ yard field goals, then the kicker is not the main problem.

This brings to mind a complaint I have about how people portray Twitter. I've heard voices in the media describe Twitter as dominated by celebrities. That's always news to me, as I find that it's dominated by writers, comedians, scientists and activists. But that's because Twitter (and the Internet in general) is what you make it.

What's depressing is that this isn't a new point. Back in the nineties when it was first going mainstream, we reached a point where most people had heard of the Internet, but only a few had any significant experience with it. So you'd sometimes see reports in the media (the old media, I mean) where they'd get people's impression of their first experiences with the new medium. And their thoughts usually included, wow, there sure is a lot of porn out there.

That angle was great for the media to demonize the Net as a chaotic underworld. But it also betrayed something about the people being interviewed. Then, as now, porn rarely just appeared on your computer for no reason. If you found pornography on the Internet, it was probably because you were looking for it. So although most people seeing these stories didn't realize it, the interviewees were essentiallly admitting that they had been given a chance to use this amazing new communications technology, and used it to look for porn.

Really, nothing has changed. The Internet is still what you make of it. If anything, it has become more personalized; with social media, you can surround yourself with people of whatever type you want. While that often means that you insulate yourself from the realities of the world, it also means that you can ignore hateful sportsfans with limited movie experience. Just remember that even if you're ignoring them, they're still out there, only a hashtag away.

My Least Favourite Year

I was thinking of titling this entry as just, "Fuck You, 2016." But it seems somebody beat me to it. It was a really bad year. When people have mentioned that it was a bad year, some have tried to dismiss the concept by saying that it was just a bunch of celebrity deaths. If you are one of those people, I invite you to contemplate how you came to ignore the world beyond celebreties, yet dismissive of their mortality.

But was this really the worst year? On the scale of human history, clearly not. There were no plagues. There were no world wars. No major cities burned to the ground. No civilizations collapsed. Well, one began collapsing, sure. But still, this is no 476 (fall of Rome,) but a mere 330 (partitioning of the Roman Empire into East and West.)

So let's limit this discussion to my lifetime. With the help of Wikipedia, here are the contenders for Worst Year In My Lifetime, along with their credentials for the title.

1979

• Iran revolution, hostage crisis
• Sid Vicious dies
• Mardi Gras is cancelled due to police strike
• Salvadorian civil war begins
• White Night riots
• Margaret Thatcher takes office
• Skylab crashes
• Jimmy Carter's "Malaise" speech
• Lord Mountbatten assassinated
• The Who concert crush in Cincinnati
• USSR invades Afghanistan
• Chinese One Child policy is introduced

1985

• New Coke
• Ozone hole discovered
• Bangladesh cyclone
• Air India flight 182
• Brixton riots
• Mexico City earthquake
• Steve Jobs leaves Apple
• Volcano in Amero, Colombia
• Dian Fossey murdered
• Numerous plane crashes

1994

• Nancy Kerrigan attacked, media loses its shit
• Silvio Berlusconi elected
• Rwandan Genocide
• Kurt Cobain dies
• Ayrton Senna dies
• OJ murder/arrest
• Andres Escobar murdered (Colombian footballer who scored own goal in World Cup)
• Baseball strike
• Ronald Reagan's Alzheimer's announced
• Newt Gingrich becomes Speaker of the House
• Russia enters Chechnya
• Whitewater investigation begins
• Mexican Peso crashes

1995

• OJ trial begins, media really loses its shit
• Cult attack on Tokyo subway
• Selena murdered
• Oklahoma City bombing
• Christopher Reeve paralized
• Busiest hurricane season in 62 years
• New Jersey Devils introduce the Neutral Zone Trap
• Srebrenica massacre
• Steve Forbes runs for President - is unsuccesful
• Second Quebec referendum
• Yitzhak Rabin assassinated
• Calvin and Hobbes ends

2001

• George W Bush takes office
• Earthquake in Gujarat, India
• Taliban destroys Buddha statues
• Mir crashes
• Berlusconi re-elected
• Aaliyah dies in plane crash
• September 11
• Anthrax attacks
• Patriot Act
• Enron goes bankrupt
• Shoebomber incident

2016

• Numerous celebrity deaths
• Ammon Bundy and friends occupy federal wildlife refuge
• North Korea gets into space
• Siege of Aleppo
• ISIS bombs Brussels
• North Carolina bathroom bill
• Panama Papers
• Syria/Libya refugee crisis
• Rodrigo Duterte elected in the Philippines
• Flint water crisis
• Zika virus
• Bastille Day attack in Nice
• Dallas police shooting
• Brexit
• Pulse nightclub shooting in Orlando
• ISIS bombs Istanbul
• Numerous black people shot by police
• Colombian people vote down peace treaty with rebels
• Hurricane Matthew hits Haiti
• Berlin Christmas market attack
• Donald Trump elected President

So I think you have to agree that 2016 was, indeed, the Worst Year Ever (in my experience.) Because the Wikipedia year-in-review was still incomplete at the time of writing, I had to complete this list by adding more events from memory. It was truly depressing how many times I thought the list was finished, only to remember, oh, right, that happened this year as well.

But it's over now. So I want everyone to try harder next year. 2016, don't let the metaphysical door hit your chronological ass on the way out. 2017, you may have a low bar, but we're still expecting a lot from you; you have a lot to make up for.

How The Hell'd We Wind Up Like This?

It was kind of lost during Christmas, but there was a story about Avril Lavigne feuding with Mark Zuckerberg. How did that happen? Well, Zuckerberg released a video showing off "Jarvis," Facebook's AI assistant. In the video, Zuckerberg asks Jarvis to play a good Nickelback song, to which it replies that no such thing exists. Lavigne came to Nickelback's defense; keep in mind that she used to be married to Nickelback singer Chad Kroeger. Wait, they have divorced, right (checks) yep.

I never thought I'd say this, but enough with the Nickelback bashing already. I've never been a fan of theirs either, and I'm usually the first person to demonize someone for dumbed-down rock music. And yes, I've taken shots at Nickelback too. But this has gotten to the point where people are piling-on just for the sake of it. Like monologue jokes about France, people are joining in on the ridicule without even knowing what they're joking about.

Sure, their songs all sound the same. And "Figured You Out" had the most juvenile lyrics this side of the Bloodhound Gang. But be honest, "How You Remind Me" was a great song, and "Someday" and "Photograph" approached actual pathos. So, a few good songs, some crap lyrics, and a bunch of songs that sound the same: I just described half the rock bands that have ever existed. Much like Coldplay, people seem to be beating up on a band for being ordinary, even though they're in a medium that has always had its share of hateable artists.

But let's not be naive. The Nickelback hatred isn't about the band, but about the fans. Nickelback are the stereotypical favourite of the Bro Nation. That kid who stole your lunch money right up until he dropped out in high school? Probably listens to Nickelback now. The fratboy you hated in University? Big Nickelback fan. Half the people who voted for Trump? You're sure they listen to Nickelback.

Kroeger and friends are a nice visible target for a widely-hated subculture. And they're easy to be seen as the "other." Like Creed before them, there's a weird phenomena where they sell millions of albums and concert tickets, but you never seem to know anyone who admits to being a fan. So they're easy to attack without worrying about consequences. I'd say Lavigne went overboard in calling this an example of bullying; really it's just a way of making lazy jokes that sound hard-hitting, but don't require taking a stand on anything. Really, it's just unimaginative and repetitive. Sort of like a certain rock band.

Fan Of The Fans

Recently, I've written posts on both Stargate and Gilmore Girls. And in the process, I've also mentioned Buffy the Vampire Slayer and fan-fiction. That brings up something interesting I found about ten years ago.

I read an article about the world of fan-fiction; specifically, the sheer size of the subculture, and the fact that pretty much every story in every medium has at least a little fan fiction written about it. Yes, even movies and TV shows you barely remember have fan-fiction. Do you remember MVP, the CBC's short-lived soap about hockey players' wives? Well a couple of people cared enough to write about it.

Having never been exposed to this, I found it fascinating to see a site with reams and reams of fan-authored stories. I didn't read much of the fiction itself, but it was interesting to see what kinds of franchises attracted writers. It wasn't necessarily the most popular things. Also, it wasn't necessarily the worlds that traditionally captured fan imaginations: for instance, both Star Wars and Star Trek were at low ebbs during those early 2000's, so they didn't attract the attention you'd expect. I'm sure that if Internet-spread fan fiction had existed throughout the twentieth century, those two would have built-up story reserves that will never be eclipsed.

Anyway, the aforementioned shows, Stargate SG-1, Gilmore Girls, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer were the three TV shows that had the most stories written about them. That made me wonder what the common bond that attracts a fan-fiction writer would be. Witty writing? Smart female characters? I suspected the subculture has female-skewed demographics, and apparently statistics confirm it.

The question stuck in my mind because they also have another thing in common: I was a fan of each of them. So apparently, I look for the same things in TV shows that fan-fiction writers do. That's kind of odd, since I've never really had a desire to write fan-fiction. (Though now that you mention it, I've got some great ideas for a Stargate/Gilmore/Buffy crossover.)

But since I'm revisiting the issue, I though I'd go back and see what the most popular shows are now. Here's the top ten shows that have the most fan-fiction stories written about them:

1. Supernatural
2. Glee
3. Doctor Who
4. Sherlock
5. Buffy: The Vampire Slayer
6. Once Upon a Time
7. NCIS
8. Vampire Diaries
9. Criminal Minds
10. Stargate: SG-1

Again, not a lot in common, other than female viewership. But now I have some future binge-watch targets.

Ad Rock

In the past I've mentioned how video game ads often have incongruous music. But previously this has usually been to contrast beautiful music with gritty fighting. For instance, there's a Playstation ad now set to a choral rendition of "Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This.)"

(Off topic, but has anyone ever successfully performed that song to make it sound like "made of this" rather than "made of these?" Since "dreams" is plural but "this" singular, the correct lyrics don't even sound right spoken, nevermind in the song.)

But the latest head-scratching musical combo is the ad for Battlefield 1 - a WWI game - with Smashing Pumpkins' angst-rock classic, "Bullet With Butterfly Wings." I've tried to figure out how a song about the exhaustion of unfocused anger could be applied to a hellish conflict that changed how the world looks at war. Sure, "Bullet With Butterfly Wings" could be a poetic description of a WWI fighter plane, but that's stretching it. Online I found ads set to "Seven Nation Army" which at least makes sense in a super-literal sense. I don't know why they didn't go with that song for the TV ad. I guess they decided their demographic needed to be a decade older.

For that matter, who wants a game set in World War I? If it's realistic, it will be hours of trying to avoid rat bites in the trenches before going over the top and getting gunned down to end the game. My condolences to history teachers everywhere who are currently trying to figure out how to convince kids the war wasn't about dramatically batting people off horseback.

Personally, I've never been a war game guy. I'm not trying to put the concept down: I'm open to the idea that you can make a game that both entertaining and respectful of the reality of war. But going all the way back to the Platoon tie-in game, I've been skeptical of the game industry's ability to deliver them. I'm inclined to keep that opinion, since someone at Electronic Arts thinks war is comparable to Billy Corgan's angry pet rat.

Lock Around The Clock

They're refurbishing some of the apartments in my building right now, and today someone arrived to deliver supplies to one of those rooms.  Unfortunately, the delivery guy got the number wrong, and tried putting them in my apartment instead.  Of course, he figured out something was wrong when he tried to open my door and found that it was locked.  But it was an unsettling surprise to me to suddenly hear someone try opening the door without knocking first.

It's a good thing I remembered to lock the door, or it would have been more embarrassing.  Usually I do lock it, but sometimes glance at the door and notice that it's unlocked.  That makes me wonder, just how often does it really make a difference to lock it?  No, I'm not bragging about living in a nice neighbourhood where you don't have to lock the door.  I'm just marvelling at how society works.

Say I go away for a week: how likely is it that someone will actually try my door to see if it is locked?  Based on how many people have actually tried it while I'm here, I'd say it's likely that I could leave the door unlocked for that whole vacation, and no one would come in.  Again, it's not because everyone in the world is honest; it's because we expect doors to be locked.  So we don't actually have to lock our doors, but that's only because we always lock our doors.