Deriving Functions

Apple has an interesting new innovation. You may have missed it because we were all distracted by the collapse of western civilization. But their new MacBook Pro has replaced the function keys with a "Touch Bar" which is a small touch-sensitive screen. The idea is that a program can present customized buttons, or entirely different controls. The initial demonstration showed a video-editing program that let you scroll up different parts of the of the timeline with the Touch Bar.

The reaction seemed to be pretty negative. Though I thought it was a good idea. Let's face it: function keys kind of suck. They were okay in the pre-GUI days when they're really was no better way to reach large numbers of features. But now that we have drop-down menus, toolbars, context menus, tool-tips, etc., there really is no need for a row of unlabeled buttons.

To make matters worse, computer makers have usurped the function keys to handle things like volume control. Now I can't remember whether my F5 is going to save or turn down the screen brightness. I actually find myself missing the WordPerfect function key template.

But a touch screen would be ideal here. Their disadvantage is that the lack of physical keys mean that using them at speed is difficult (as anyone counting typos on this blog will know.) Inevitably, a company led by a hunt-and-peck typist will try marketing an all-touchscreen keyboard, and then wonder why it flops.

But no one needs to touch-type on the function keys, so it doesn't really matter if you have to look down at them. And if you're going to look down before you press the button, you might as we get the confirmation that it does what you think it does.

What they need to do now is start replacing all of the less-used keys. A lot of them are just a technological appendix. Which leads to...

Things The Teenage Me Would Never Have Believed About Life In The Future, #35

Computer keyboards still have a SysReq key. And no one has figured out what it's for.

But to me the biggest proof that the Touch Bar is here to stay is that people immediately started doing weird things with it. You can play the original Doom on it, or have a KITT style radar blip. I'm sure they can come up with plenty more ideas. Maybe make it look like a WordPerfect template.

Persuasion

This summer, I wrote a post about how Prime Minister Trudeau went to the Toronto Pride Parade and didn't end his career. In particular, I showed a photo of him at the parade, and marvelled that we've come far enough as a society that it didn't end his career.

Then I pointed out that inevitably someone would try using it against them, and this would blow up in their face. And sure enough, this week Facebook showed me this:

Of course, Bill C-16 isn't really the newspeak law they're making it out to be. You won't be send to jail for failing to memorize your alternate pronouns, and men still aren't allowed to enjoy the lush Victorian decor of public ladies' rooms.

I didn't really think the photo would be used by some conservative news outlet who fell victim to a massive breakdown in targeted advertising. I was picturing it being one of the Conservative leadership candidates, presumably Kellie "Values Screening" Leitch. But perhaps we should wait until the next election to see how far into the Trump playbook Canadian politicians are willing to go.

Now I Wonder How Whatsername Has Been

After today was mostly over, I discovered that it was National Unfriend Day. As you can guess, it's a day in which you are encouraged to unfriend people on social media, particularly Facebook. Apparently this was started by Jimmy Kimmel.  (Though the story about it on the evening news didn't mention that part, so as a viral marketing tool, it didn't work that well.) According to the Facebook page, you should use the following criteria:

• If you wouldn’t loan someone 50 dollars, unfriend them.
• If you wouldn’t invite them to your birthday party, unfriend them.
• If you wouldn’t cry if they got hit by a bus, unfriend them.

I'm not sure about those rules: I've never had large parties, and I would cry for a number of people I wouldn't loan fifty bucks to. But maybe I'm just emotional. After all, I don't really get the concern some people have over friendship being so broadly defined on social media.

Sure, there are plenty of practical concerns about how many friends you have. You can only keep up with so many people, you don't want to share your personal information with someone you just met, and some people post way too much stuff.  Or they post things that make you angry, which is another odd thing about this day: why have Unfriend Day right after American election day?  We've just gone through months of unfriending, with no promotion needed.

Beyond those problems, I don't see why there's a problem with having too many friends.  Unfriend Day's page says it's to "protect the sacred nature of friendship," but I don't think that's a problem.  My close friendships are not harmed just because my friend is also friends with someone they met at night school eight years ago, or the woman in HR he can't remember the last name of.

I'm not just targeting Kimmel here: Others have tried to put down social media friends over the years, portraying them as meaningless things that are little more than acquaintances.  I've always thought that feeling was misguided; there's a lot to be said for those lighter friendships.  I'm not pretending that they are the equivalent of the people you share a close connection with.  But they are a big part of your life. After all, since those relationships include most of your co-workers, and many people you socialize with, you probably spend half your waking hours with them.  They have a big impact on whether you gave good days or bad, and a person who has a positive effect on you can make a big difference in your life.

And the fact is, you don't know when you may have to depend on a sort-of friend.  You don't know when misfortune may strike, and you might need to rely on your acquaintances.  You may find that when push comes to shove, they care more than you expected.  Maybe they'll even loan you fifty dollars.

So don't unfriend your less-close friends.  Instead, be glad that we have technology to maintain connections with so many people. And you could reflect on how so many people have affected your life. Or at least, wonder why anyone would look at this world and decide the problem is that there are too many friends.

Don't Tell Me 'Cause It Hurts

It's been a week since the election, and I've seen a lot of articles passed around social media from disillusioned liberals. A lot of them have been good: They explain people's perspectives and how the result affects them personally. It's informative, and can be emotionally healthy for people to share their burdens. And of course, they can show people how they can do constructive and/or cathartic things to help the causes they believe in.

However, I've seen a few themes that are not helpful. Please think before posting anything with the following ideas:

Bernie would have won

Yes I know, you have that poll from the primaries that showed he'd beat Trump. Well, there was also a poll showing Hillary would beat Trump. You know when it was taken? The day before the election!

We should run Michelle in 2020

A lawyer and ex-first-lady from a centre-left ideology who we look up to because she seems very intelligent and self-confident? I'm sure I've heard that before somewhere...

First of all, note that she - like any famous person entering politics - benefits from the fact that she hasn't taken a stance on anything yet. She'll drop in popularity once she starts taking stands on things. And of course, see my write-up about how we only like strong women when they're not looking for more power.

At least the campaign is over

My fellow straight white able bodied cis males really need to stop saying this. I'm looking your way, Stephen Colbert. Yes, for us, it's over. But for many others, it's only starting.

It was a vicious campaign, we as a nation lost perspective

I'm still looking your way, Stephen. Actually, it was one ordinary campaign, and one over-the-top negative, vindictive, dishonest campaign. And it was the over-the-top negative, vindictive, dishonest campaign that won, so we're going to see more of that in the future. So once again, it's only beginning.

Let's remember, we're all Americans

That's kind of the point. One campaign was built around exclusion, and that was the side that won. So if you're now saying, "can't we all just get along?" the answer is no, Americans apparently don't want to get along. This appeal to work together is another example of a plea we hear a lot: "Let's put aside our differences, and work together to achieve the things my side wants."

When 40 Years Old You Reach, Look As Good You Will Not

I'll try to take a break from Trump-related articles now. I find myself wondering what one does when their ideals have been defeated and their values expunged from government. And the answer I keep coming up with is, accept exile on Degobah.

So, Star Wars. Are young people actually into Star Wars? Or is it just wishful thinking on the part of advertisers? I keep seeing ads for Star-Wars-related items portraying kids to young to remember the prequels as playing make believe in the franchise's world.

I know some parents my age have introduced their kids to the holy trilogy. So it's probably easy to sell Star Wars toys to those parents. And there seems to be a wide market too; I mentioned Star Wars make up earlier. You can get Star Wars tights and other feminine clothing. I'm assuming the marketing juggernaut isn't slowing down or we'd hear rumours of companies dumping unsold BB8 necklaces in the desert.

The point is, it's kind of ironic that this third generation of Star Wars is a hit with the whole family. When the prequels started up in the late 90's, many of the old fans like myself thought they came off as a little childish. No, this isn't going to be another rant against Jar-Jar. Though, you know, Jar-Jar. But there we're lots of aspects of those movies that were cartoony or dumbed-down.

George Lucas answered criticism like this by pointing out that the original movies were made to appeal to kids, which is why folks like me - who were kids when the original trilogy came out - got into them in the first place. So it wasn't fair for us to begrudge the next generation their own child-oriented movie series.

I could see the logic behind that, except for a couple of things: Realistically, he had to know the audience would be mostly aging fans of the original, whether he likes it or not. And the fact is that young audiences are getting more mature in their media (witness the direction of superhero movies as an example.) In my admittedly subjective opinion, Lucas had gone in the opposite direction, trying to win over modern kids with movies more childish than the ones that won us over in the seventies.

So now the new movies - without Lucas' involvement - have abandoned his strategy. Instead, they're making movies that mostly fit with what the now thirty- to fifty-something original fans were looking for. And yet that ends up appealing to kids better than the prequels did.

Top Ten Good Things About Donald Trump Winning The Election

10. No need to listen to years of "It was rigged!"
9. Make America Great Again? More like Make The Daily Show Great Again!
8. Years from now, when you meet a young man named "Donnie," you'll already know plenty about his parents.
7. Conservatives have bought about all the survivalist gear they'll ever need; it's time for liberals to get in on it.
6. All the commemorative country songs.
5. ...and all the hilarious products Trump himself will sell to commemorate his win.
4. We can spend the next few months watching the media slowly realize that Trump really is President, and it's not that entertaining.
3. Assuming the pattern goes full-circle, we'll now get intelligent, polite, experienced reality stars.
2. Now that we have a new paradigm for successful political personalities, it will be fun watching other candidates try to copy it.
1. Deep-down, we all know it: this is the Karmic price for the Cubs winning the World Series

Eighteen Months Of Insanity

I'm headed back to my media-proof bunker for the next twenty-four hours. But if you want to read even more about the American election, here's a list of all my posts about it.

April, 2015

Hillary Begins The Ascent - ah, a more innocent time when the biggest problem for Hillary Clinton was that people kept calling her by her first name

July, 2015

Where Devils Fear To Tread - a negative impact from Donald Trump's campaign, win or lose

August, 2015

And Now Here It Is, Your Moment Of Absolute Panic - I'm first onto the Trump-is-scary-not-funny bandwagon

Electioneering: No Surprises - I make a clever explanation of Donald Trump's popularity, and a not-so-clever predition about his election success

October, 2015

Split The Difference - the difficulty in finding a candidate that appeals to everyone (bonus: I make a brilliant election prediction)

That's The News, And I Am Outta Here - about Trump's SNL hosting

November, 2015

Two Rails Are Safe, Let's Try The Third - outlining how Trump may Go Too Far

February, 2016

One Nightmare Down, Three To Go - I come up with several nightmare scenarios for the election, none of which are Trump winning the nomination

March, 2016

A Rare Right Turn - NASCAR's sort-of but not-really endorsement of Donald Trump

May, 2016

Cruz In For A Bruisin' - Poor Ted Cruz, he tried so hard

Preparing For The Trump Influx - a less serious discussion of how Canada can deal with Americans fleeing their country after a Trump election win.

June, 2016

Whistlin' Yankee - how Trump has changed how politicians refer to controversial topics

July, 2016

A Sudden Sense of Liberty - I tackle the old question of why relgious Americans love Donald Trump so much

August, 2016

A Smear To Far - the aftermath of Trump's attack on Captain Khan's family

Politically Incorrect Humour - I try in vain to convince non-political-junkies not to try doing political jokes during this election

Scar Tissue - I look at conservatives and their taste in 90's music

September, 2016

Lies, Damned Lies, And Satire - how comedians and talk shows have handled the election

October, 2016

Going Back For Thirds - a quick rundown of third-party candidates

Surveying The Slightly Insulted - how minorities not targetted by Trump have reacted to him

Do Rats Get Adorable Little Lifeboats To Abandon Sinking Ships? - the sexual assault accusations against Donald Trump and their effects on his candidacy

Try To Keep Up - more aftermath of Trump's sex assault issue

Peace Offering - the morality of Democrats paying for a firebombed Republican office

November, 2016

This Is On You - the effects of gender on Hillary Clinton's likability

I Know You Are But What Am I - the single weirdest thing about Donald Trump's campaign